How can I help motivate myself to do the things that I want/need to do.

Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised that the article below might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse & violence that could be triggering.

Thank you for reaching out Kori, I will do my best to provide you with useful information, and hopefully, that will help answer the questions that you have. I will go in parts so that you get each issue addressed. The first thing that I will say is that if you are committing self-harm, you need to contact your local mental health clinic or emergency room/center and make sure that you reach out for help so that you don’t continue to self-harm. Self-harm can be controlled once it stops, but in order to stop it, you will need the intervention of a clinical team or group of professionals that can help you exit that crisis state.

Another issue that you mention with the information that you included with your question is the fact that you believe that you have undiagnosed PTSD from childhood traumas and abuse. As a trauma counselor, I can say that it seems that you would fit the criteria for trauma counseling simply based on the types of traumas that you mentioned going through. I would recommend going to get evaluated for PTSD as soon as possible since untreated PTSD can bring a myriad of additional problems throughout your lifetime. 

It is important that your trauma is addressed and treated. The most effective way to treat trauma is through something called EMDR. If you want to find out more about EMDR and how that can help you treat your traumas, you can go a simple Google search and find the official website for EMDR providers, which will have all of the information you need in order to get that process started.

You mentioned panic attacks and anxiety, which are directly linked so that would make a lot of sense to also treat them as soon as possible. Through psychotherapy you can learn multiple different approaches and techniques to handle both anxiety and panic attacks, so doing therapy will be your best bet here. Anxiety is the root of many other more severe issues, so it is very important to learn anxiety management techniques and coping mechanisms. 

People who pick their skin out of anxiety usually stop the negative behavior once the underlying cause of their anxiety is controlled. This you can most likely also achieve through therapy. In terms of not liking yourself, focusing on self-worth and how to grow your self-worth is another thing that you can work through in therapy.

Nowadays, online therapy is a very good and practical way to dive into the therapy realm, so I would highly recommend it, here or on any other platform, so that you can start your healing journey. 

I hope that this was helpful, and if you have any more questions, please do not hesitate to reach out, and I wish that you have a great day Kori :)