How can I teach myself to express myself and be myself around people?

Hi John, I hope this message finds you well. Thank you for reaching out to a counselor. It definitely takes courage and strength to do so.

In response to your question above, I would first start off with saying that you are actually correct. A lot of what you are experiencing has to do with the experiences that you went through as a child. You mentioned your father being highly critical, and it definitely sounds like you've taken on some of that criticism towards yourself.

There are various ways to work through these emotions, and become more confident as well as kinder to yourself. Therapy is a great starting point in general for diving through these deeply uprooted issues and growing emotionally. However, some things that you can engage on your own involve practicing effective communication styles like using "I statements". Whenever we practice, assertive communication, active listening, and teach ourselves how to communicate using I statements, you'll start to see that things are easier to say, and people tend to receive our messages in a much more leveled manner.

Additionally, it sounds like you are experiencing some anxiety. I would genuinely recommend engaging in grounding activities, such as five minute meditations, which you can easily find on YouTube, practicing coping strategies like 54321, and looking at a variety of different coping strategies for anxiety. Some of these coping skills also involve rhythmic, breathing and deep muscle relaxation. When you're able to combine these various skills along with an increase sense of, effective communication, you will see that things will start to feel lighter.

Additionally, I would highly recommend looking into the book, called the Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. It is a wonderful book for individuals who are struggling with their self-esteem and confidence as a whole. Talks about letting go of who you think you need to be in accepting who you are. 

Lastly boundaries are so important and this is something you can definitely work through with a therapist or by exploring various boundaries that you feel need to be said. Understanding that how others react as long as you communicate respectfully and effectively is something that is out of your control.

If you would like to connect to help you through this process, I'm here to help. All you have to do is reach out. I hope that this is able to give you some guidance and what you're experiencing and I wish you the best.