How can you help with low self worth building confidence and how does this affect relationships?

Low self worth and negative thinking can plague our everyday existence if we let it. The negative self talk will constantly sit in your head replaying. What you tell yourself will affect the way you think, the way you behave and your emotional state. If severe enough, it can also affect physical symptoms too. When we think negative things about ourselves, anxiety kicks in and convinces us that this information is completely accurate, which leads to low confidence and avoidance.  Unconsciously, these things can project to others, which can of course affect relationships or building new relationships.

If you feel that your own worth is tied to what others think of you, this will show too. The first step to combatting this is to challenge the negative thought patterns. How realistic are these thoughts? Consider how the thoughts affect the way you feel, which in turn will affect how you behave. Change one thing at a time, so for example if you were to think: "I can't meet new people, it makes me too anxious" this will breed a thought pattern of negative phrases and self talk. This can change the mood (so you may feel low/sad) which will affect the way you behave (avoid meeting new people, less likely to interact with others). Change one thought at a time and see the effect it has. So if we change the original thought to "I can meet new people, yes it's scary but I won't know unless I try". This then changes the emotions to hopeful and optimistic, which in turn will change the behavior to being more open to meeting new people. This of course takes practice to do, but eventually it becomes a new way of thinking. Always challenge the negative thought patterns. Once this becomes easier, this will build self confidence and more positive thinking will follow. 

Remember, thoughts are not facts. They are just thoughts. 

Take the process one step at a time. Instead of worrying about the outcome of being too anxious and thinking "I cannot build a new relationship", work on the anxious thoughts first. Becoming fixated on not being able to do something will lead to avoidance and the cycle will just continue to repeat. Building an awareness of the thoughts can help, because the more you notice them, the easier it is to challenge them. 

Some helpful tips:

• Write a list of your positive traits - remind yourself of your strengths and compliments you have received from others.
• Keep a gratitude journal -  remind yourself of all the good things that happen for you, the positive things you have accomplished, the things you are thankful for.  (In the midst of anxiety, its easy to forget these things as it has a tendency to focus on the negative stuff)

I hope this helps.