How to ease anxiety in a relationship?

So there are a few things you might want to try; first, processing through the experiences you had in the toxic household, second there are a variety of grounding and mindfulness techniques that help to stay in the moment, third having open and honest conversations with your boyfriend so he can gain an understanding what you are experiencing.  

It would be beneficial for you to engage in therapy in order to process through the experiences and potential trauma while living in the toxic househould.  Your therapist will help you to make connections from your previous experience to your current situation.  It is often extremely beneficial to explore and identify the "whys" of current behavior we would like to change in order to best address and make a healthy progression. 

I mentioned grounding and mindfulness techniques also, there are countless skills that can be learned such as different breathing techniques, to mindfulness eating even.  Almost every daily activity we engage in can be incorporated into a mindful way of life.  Mindfulness and grounding teach us how to experience life in the here and now, along with that, helping us to reduce the impact of outside forces and invasive thoughts that sometimes feel like they have total control of our lives. 

Lastly, I mentioned having an open and honest conversation with your current boyfriend for a few reasons.  Open and honest communcation are great foundations for a strong and healthy relationship.  These conversations can also allow your boyfriend to gain an understanding of what you are experiencing so that he can recognize that some of your interactions might be driven by your anxiety and previous experiences, not necessarily him or something he has done.  You can also incoporate your boyfriend into your grounding and mindfulness techniques in the simplest form of him practicing them with you and maybe even suggesting you engage in one.  Sometimes others are able to recognize when we are experiencing distress before we are able.  At the end of the day anxiety can be a healthy emotion in terms of motivation, excitement, etc. as long as we can gain an understanding of it and how to not let it overpower us.