I constantly feel bad, like I'm waiting for some bad thing to happened. What to do?

Thank you for your question and I am very sorry that you are having difficulties right now. In your question you mention that you have both moved to a new area, have a brand new set of coworkers, and are also new in your nursing position. That is a lot! This is all quite a bit a change and a lot of fresh variables to begin to adjust to. Life seems to have shifted in many ways for you, with new circumstances and information which you’re having to adapt to. You can and will adapt (and might need extra support to help with this). Things can get better, but it’s going to take time and it can be unsettling as you go through it.

Our natural human tendency is to gravitate towards what is familiar. It’s known. Change is scary, particularly because our minds are wired to be on alert for threats – and unknown variables could be threatening. Even if we know on a higher, logical level that we’re solid, that’s just the way we’re built as humans. And in some cases, that’s a very good thing. So, recognize that your internal alarms are going off simply because there’s so much newness. While it could be challenging, try to remind yourself that your body and brain are simply doing their job – trying to keep you shielded. The good news is that your alarm systems are in working order – albeit it might seem to be like they are working “too” good and it’s overkill right now. 

Change is not always in our control. But how we respond to it is. First, try to be patient with yourself. You have a lot of stuff coming at you right now, a lot of things have been switched up. Change just naturally has a way of making us nervous, anxious, overwhelmed and can throw us off balance.

Part of the solution is to be proactive about self-care. This can look very different for everyone but could include all sorts of things depending on your unique preferences. One person might gravitate towards a warm bath with a good book. Someone else might want to go outside for a brisk walk while listening to some music or a podcast. Decide on a few things you can do to take extra good care of yourself as you’re adapting to all this change.

Notably, beginning a new job is definitely an anxiety provoking event. You’re not alone in feeling this way. In fact, it would be unusual if you weren’t feeling some anxiety. There are some strategies that can help you during this transition. For one, don’t compare yourself to coworkers and more experienced colleagues. And remember - you were hired for a reason. You were chosen. They wanted you to work there! You have already demonstrated competency and you will continue to gain ground and pick up new skills. You just need time. That’s normal and will be true for everyone. None of us are great at our job right when we first start. But you’re getting better each and every day. 

Next, you mention you haven’t been able to connect with your colleagues yet. Sometimes, if we’re worried that we aren’t going to get along with anyone, and we become fixated on this idea, it can become a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. You anticipate that you’ll be rejected by everyone and so you stay away and give off a vibe that says you’re not open to socializing. We can do this unconsciously at times. Check in with yourself and see if this might be the case. Others might be interpreting that you want to be left alone – we can sometimes send out that signal particularly if we’re feeling a lot of anxiety.

Questions to consider: are you waiting for them to be friendly to you? Could you be the one to make the first move?

Even if it’s challenge, consider making an effort to engage others in small talk. Offer a smile and ask them how they’re doing. You might find they begin warming up over time. Also, ask questions. People typically like to demonstrate their knowledge and enjoy talking about themselves. And it keeps the pressure off of you a bit. And if you can, seek out chances to offer help. Don’t overextend yourself. But helping is a great way to win others over – and you’re doing good at the same time, so it’s a win-win.

Also, it sounds like worrying and overthinking about potential or actual mistakes is overwhelming you. With a new job comes a lot of opportunities for error. You want to do your best. You want to succeed and do everything well. That desire can sometimes get us extra stressed out about messing up. You have so many unknowns coming at you right now. It’s important to remember that nobody is expecting you to be perfect and get it all right when you’re just starting. Although your anxious mind might try to tell you otherwise – but you can’t believe everything you think! In fact, this is why so many jobs have “training” and “probationary” periods built in. They know before your first day that you don’t know the ropes and they expect that you’re going to make some mistakes. Yes, it can be challenging when our mistakes our pointed out. Try your best to keep in mind that this doesn’t mean they think poorly of your ability or of you as a person – our anxious minds can sometimes lead us to think this way.

There are many new things you’re having to contend with. Feeling jittery is to be expected. It might linger for a few weeks or a couple of months. Over time, it should begin to subside. At times, if we have an underlying anxiety disorder, all the newness can push us past the tipping point. If that seems to be happening, if this all just continues to feel like too much and you don’t feel it getting slowly better, then think about reaching out for support. A therapist will be able to process things with you and can help you develop some coping strategies which will help you effectively manage your anxiety.