Ask a therapist > Anxiety > I feel like my personality and my inherent tendencies are not conducive to good mental health

I feel like my personality and my inherent tendencies are not conducive to good mental health

I don’t understand why, but I find that I really don’t like being with other people most of the time. I crave closeness and companionship but at the same time people and life tires me. I find I’m very neurotic in my nature and it’s difficult to be with people when I have a tendency towards pessimism and negative emotions. I struggle with managing my emotions and find myself spiraling downward into negativity and inaction often. I sometimes face times of extreme indecisiveness and self doubt but I feel like I have a reasonable level of self awareness. I sometimes question whether all this is just my personality or whether I am experiencing normal things since by social norms I am seemingly on track and successful for my age but I just struggle a lot internally with these things

Asked by Sven

Anxiety

Answered

11/27/2022

Upon reflection of your statement, I wanted to write both quick responses and some deeper thoughts as I pondered your statement. As I read your narrative, I thought of the immense courage, emotional pain, and willingness to be vulnerable it took for you to reach out for assistance.

In short, I thought of others in similar situations as they too struggled with life and life experiences. Often times, human beings struggle with cravings such as the desire for closeness which is countered by the desire to not be with other people. Over the years, I have worked with countless people who struggle with this issue. It is difficult for some people to balance two opposing thoughts at the same time. However, I would offer you the notion of dialectical behavioral therapy. One of the constructs of dialectical behavioral therapy is that two things that seem like (or are) opposites can both be true. In individual therapy sessions, I work with people to accept this concept.

At another level, our ability or inability to manage emotions is common. It is difficult to manage emotions on a day to day basis. It may also be challenging to slow oneself down when we are in the midst of experiencing an intense emotion. I often utilize the metaphor of a thermometer. If you can imagine the bottom of a thermometer as being 0 (0= no anger) and the top of the thermometer as being 100 (100= the most intense anger experience), the rest of the numbers are then related to the intensity of anger. Next, I would suggest we look at other feelings and then think through the intensity related to your experience with each feeling.

Also, I believe you are questioning the differences between your personality and normal life experiences. As we come out of the COVID precautions while still being cautious, I would offer to you that personalities change on a regular basis. Over time, our personalities change both related to drastic world wide events and day to day events.

As you consider working with a therapist, I would offer you some overall thoughts to consider. My professional style is balanced between listening skills, direct and indirect therapeutic techniques. I find it rewarding to engage people as we explore the plethora of interventions to manage life. My repertoire therapeutic interventions has been developed over many years.

Mr. John Shafer

LCSW