Is 40 too late to change and become more confident and less socially anxious?

Hello Benji,

It is very nice to meet you. Thank you for taking the time to reach out with your question. No, it is never too late to make changes in our lives! Think of it this way - thoughts control feelings, feelings control behaviors. If you are out somewhere and having thoughts of "I don't want to be here, I look bad, others around me are going to think negatively of me, etc" then you will feel insecure, uncomfortable, nervous. The behaviors will then be things like avoiding eye contact, talking very quietly, standing off in a corner, fidgeting with your hands, etc. 

It starts with the thoughts. You want to start with changing those negative, intrusive thoughts that come up in these social settings. If you tell yourself that you are not going to be able to make or keep friends, then that is very likely what will happen. Confidence is attractive, remind yourself of this when you are out with friends. Practice being and acting like the person that you want to be.

You mentioned worrying that you are no longer fun or interesting to your friends. Why do you feel this way? Ask yourself if there is any evidence to support this thought. If there is not, it is critical that you shut that thought down. Take small steps everyday; go outside more, talk to strangers, even if just to say hello, smile at strangers you pass while out, get involved in community events, volunteer.

It will take some work and some practice, but it can most certainly be done! Practice becoming more aware of those negative thoughts and shut them down when you are aware of them. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques are often very beneficial for the symptoms that you are struggling with.

I would also encourage you to consider working with a therapist to help you with learning how to reframe these negative and intrusive thought patterns. It will take practice to reframe them when they come up.

I hope that you have found this information helpful and I wish you all the best moving forward in your life.