Sometimes I overthink my actions

You are being reflective about both your thoughts and your behavior, and that is an important skill!

 

The fact that you are ready to take action and find strategies to work through some of your unhelpful thoughts or behaviors - the actions you think might be pushing friends away - shows you are ready to take ownership! 

 

In counseling, we often talk about the connections to our thoughts, feelings, and behavior - they influence each other. For example, we might start to say in our head "why did I not respond to their online post, I bet they won't like me anymore", and perhaps that leads to feelings of loneliness, social failure, or feeling worthless. Because of those thoughts or feelings, maybe we send them too many messages or just give up and stop trying to be friends with them at all. Do you see how the thoughts, feelings, and actions are connected?

 

Mindfulness is a helpful technique to implement when a thought pops into your head, instead of letting it magnify and pull you around. You notice the thought. Maybe you label it "that is a judgment or a worry. It may or may not be true". Then you ask: is repeating the worry/judgment over and over helpful for me? Does it lead me to take action toward the path of the friend I want to be? If not, what is a more helpful thought or action? 

 

This takes practice! Connecting with a BetterHelp counselor can guide you through some of these techniques. There are also many free apps and websites with some guided meditations or mindfulness activities. It's like building muscles - with time and repetition you will see growth!  

 

In addition to being reflective of your thoughts, feelings, and actions, it sounds like you are concerned about boundaries. It's important to gain an understanding of our own limits and how they might be different than our friends' boundaries.  This understanding is critical to the road to healthy relationships. Having a conversation with your friend may feel uncomfortable initially, but understanding, setting, and maintaining healthy boundaries will be a benefit to you in so many relationships! Practicing these conversations in advance is beneficial. A counselor can coach you through these important conversations.