What is a way for me to end the cycle of having chronic panic attacks/anxiety?

Hello and thank you for posting your question in this forum.

What you have noted are complex concerns but we will attempt to help you deconstruct them as much as possible, given what you have written here. It seems you are struggling with recent grief and pervasive anxiety. Anxiety, put simply, is a pervasive feeling which often ramps up the speed of our thought process to a point where it becomes uncomfortable or unbearable.

The thing you could do in the immediate is try to accept the anxious thoughts as that is very important. That is the best way to move beyond the thought. We used to teach, in psychology, that you had to destroy the thought which was bothering you but we figured out this was not the way to get past these thoughts. In fact, it only made them stronger over time, as people attempted to manipulate them. The best thing you can do is to accept the thought and see it for what it really is.

For much of our thinking in this area we now draw upon what is known as a 'Third-Wave CBT' and also 'mindfulness based CBT'. CBT is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, which you may have heard of before, and in this formation it exists with a mindfulness component.

A format of this which is very popular is known as: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Many therapists utilize this model to a great extent and we would encourage you to work with a therapist, if you move into doing therapy, who also utilizes this model. One solution this model proposes, among many, to the problem you've described above is to use internal verbal conventions. You can also verbalize these out loud and that may help. You might say, to yourself, something like: "I notice the thought that (fill in the blank and describe the problematic or anxiety provoking thought to yourself), I accept that the thought is present AND I am choosing to not believe what it is telling me". You would actually verbalize this out loud as you are thinking through it. And as you do this you might have a subsequent thought, which your mind throws at you, that basically communicates you don't believe what you are saying. That is also natural. And the response to that, from what you say out loud, would be: "...and I accept that thought, also". You would keep doing this several times over, perhaps in the span of weeks and months. And with time, the anxiety provoking thoughts would decrease and feelings of anxiety would dissipate. If all of this seems a little odd or abstract you would not be the first person to have thought that, however, these techniques work well. You can learn more about these techniques from the well known Australian ACT Psychologist, Russ Harris. He has a book and you can get it on Amazon. It's called: The Happiness Trap. It is a good starting point if you want to learn more about getting through your specific presentation of Anxiety. I believe it could help you greatly.

It can also really benefit you to get some individual counseling services or get some sort of ongoing psychological support, in order to process your anxiety concerns and recent grief experience. In that setting, you will want to explore your past and events which occurred in your past and how they shaped your current thought processes. You will also want to explore your family structure and how family relationships may have influenced your current decisions and approaches to life. And finally you would have a full chance to process your experience of grief and going through the stages of grief, which is a common experience for most people undergoing grief.

In general, the development of anxiety is often produced by a complex process so we would want to explore your upbringing, early experiences, and family relationships - among other facets, in order to help you better understand yourself. It does appear important for you to attain some sort of continued treatment, so please do not neglect this need.

Hopefully all of this gives you some sense of where to go next in your journey towards better psychological health & wellness. Thank you again for posting your question in this forum. I wish you good luck in the future, good physical and mental health, and for you to gain greater understanding and insights in your life.