Am I depressed or bipolar
Luna,
It sounds like things have been challenging for awhile and that you feel that it is really beginning to effect you and your relationship and you are ready to do something different to improve the way you feel. Regardless, of what experiences, and symptoms may be called down the line, what matters most is that it is taking a toll on your mental well being and affecting your relationships.
Myself or others, cannot ethically or practically diagnosis your challenges through a simple message. I strongly suggest working with a licensed mental health professional, whether it be a counselor, clinical social worker, or a psychiatrist to discuss in more detail what is going on and how it is causing some difficulties so that you can get some tools, assess whether meds might be helpful, and have some support as you work through everything.
While diagnoses can be helpful in helping us understand and normalize that we are not the only ones that struggle in certain areas. More importantly is support and some tangible tools to manage the things that are effecting your day to day life.
You could check with your insurance provider about services that they will cover, BetterHelp is many times also a good financial choice for assistance, especially because of the convenience of appointments and finding a counselor that you really click with. While many insurance carriers won't cover BetterHelp, it is many times comparable to deductibles with insurance.
I hope that this information was helpful overall.
Sincerely,
Lorraine Marie Helferich MS, LCPC, NCC, CMHIMP
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You can find some simple depression screens (suggest the PHQ9) online, now remember that you cannot diagnose yourself and more goes into a diagnosis, but it could be a useful starting point for recognizing where your symptoms lie on a spectrum, and also help you organize your thoughts and concerns before you speak to a mental health professional.