Can I make a good path in life too?

Hello and thank you for asking a question on BetterHelp. Sounds like you're going through a really difficult time right now and have had some bad luck with relationships as well. Sounds like all this negativity has you feeling like there is no hope. When we are in a spot like this it can be really hard to get out of it, but there is always hope! So to answer your question, yes you absolutely can make a good path in your life. I have a few suggestions that I think could help with this but I also think it's really important that we talk about therapy for a little bit first.

As I was saying earlier it can be very hard to get out of the rough spot like this, it helps a lot if you have somebody to talk to you and to help you understand the root cause of your problems. A therapist can be vital for you getting through this difficult time. It's very easy to get linked with a therapist here on BetterHelp, all you have to do is click on to get started button on the homepage and follow the prompts from there. You will answer several questions about yourself which will help determine the type of therapy and the therapist that would best suit your needs, if you don't like the therapist you're automatically aligned with, then you're more than welcome to choose one on your own or ask to be linked with somebody else. A therapist can help you recognize barriers in your life you didn't know existed but are stopping you from being the person you want to be, they can help you recognize toxic behavior that you made if that was completely normal, they can also help you recognize toxic relationships that you should be keeping your distance from.  Most of all they can help you understand the root cause of your problems and give you coping mechanisms for those really difficult days. I hope you will consider getting linked for somebody soon to help you through this journey.

When I first read your statement and your question, the first thing I thought was that you feel like you have been completely defeated. It sounds like you believe you have already lost. I'm sure this has been a mix of things that haven't worked out for you plus bad relationships. But the good thing is that all of that can turn around. What we need for you is a change in your belief system, as well as surrounding yourself with good and trustworthy people, while also recognizing red flags in others and making an effort to stay away from them. The first thing I want you to really think about is changing that belief system, when we believe we have already lost and that there is no hope then everything becomes a confirmation that there is no hope. In order for this belief system change you have to start practicing a lot of gratitude, and you need to prove that belief system is false. You are going to do this by gathering up as much contrary evidence to this belief system as possible and reminding yourself of it daily. This could be something that you write down and read to yourself daily, it could be something that you journal daily. You need to remind yourself of the things in your life that have worked for you, to remind yourself of the things that have turned out positive in your life, doing this will push back against this negative belief system and help give you hope again. Something that will help with this is gratitude, gratitude is the general recognition and appreciation of the positive or good things in your life. Sometimes we have to start out very simple with a gratitude list when we're feeling down, we can be thankful that we have a roof over our heads, we can be thankful that there is food in the refrigerator, etc. By doing a gratitude list, it will help you push back against your negative belief system that you have lost.

I also want to encourage you to think about all of the red flags you saw in your most recent relationships. You said that you have been in relationships with men where they use you and then dump you for no reason. I want you to think deeply about these relationships and recognize where some things started to go wrong. It's very easy when we get into a relationship to overlook obvious red flags, we get caught up in the infatuation and ignore things that we shouldn't. I want you to think and meditate on these so you don't make the same mistake in the future. You can't control the person you are in a relationship with, but you can control the type of man you choose to date and be in a relationship with.

Lastly, I want to leave you with some advice that I tell everybody I work with. We need three things in our life for satisfaction. The first thing we need is a caring community, we need good and trustworthy friends in our life and we need to be a good and trustworthy friend. We are not meant to go through life alone and need to be in community with others. And recognize the good and trustworthy friends in your life and spend more time with them, while also recognizing the toxic ones and choosing to keep your distance. The next thing we all need is productivity, we are not meant to sit on the couch all day and watch Netflix or flip through our phones on social media, doing so only increases our anxiety and depression. Being productive releases endorphins in your brain which makes you feel better and motivates you to be more productive.  You can be productive through employment you have purpose in, volunteering, education, exercising, tidying up your home, etc. The last thing we all need is high-quality rest, this isn't about sleeping, instead it is about you having something in your life that you do just for you simply because you want to. We all need to have some sort of hobby or activity that recharges our batteries that we regularly look forward to. Personally for me it's being in the outdoors and traveling, thinking about these things gets me through the day and gives me something to actively look forward to. I hope you were able to find some thing in here that helps and I wish you the best of luck!