How do I become the best me?

I have had issues with my mental health on and off, I can be prone to depression which comes and goes but I am also plagued by body dysmorphia, social anxiety and low self esteem. These obviously affect me in many ways and is something I would like to work through with a therapist but it is expensive at the moment. On top of this I had a pretty bad breakup this year that sent me into a depressive spiral for about 8 months, marriage has always been something important to me, and I felt sure I had found the person I was going to marry but all of that changed very quickly and left me questioning myself even further impacting my self esteem more. It also took me a very long time to realise that I was actually feeling grief or at least something similar in relation to the breakup, this realisation allowed me to make sense of how I felt and to "feel my feelings" and this was the only thing that helped to end my spiral. I am currently at a stage where I want to move on with my life and deal with all the issues that have been plaguing me and become the best version of myself, everyone says to be yourself, but I don't know what that actually means, I don't know how to be myself or what that looks like practically, I would like to start working towards my ideal body and I am doing that but I am also worried about consistency and whether or not I will keep at it, I would like to improve my self esteem and become a confident person but I know that simply getting my ideal body may not necessarily increase my self worth so I would also like to know how to improve that, I am sure my social anxiety will probably tie into whatever the answer to this is. Finally, when it comes to relationships, I struggle at the concept of trusting women again, not necessarily in terms of fidelity but in terms of trusting somebody to receive and reciprocate my thoughts and feelings so I don't just end up like I did earlier in the year, I have found that this has also left me a bit bitter or touchy on certain subjects in relation to females. I would like to properly heal from what I went through but need some direction. How do I be myself, trust again, improve my self worth and stay consistent in the gym? Will doing all of this result in becoming the best version of myself, or does such a thing even exist?

Asked by Alex

Hello Alex, this is a great question - becoming the best version of yourself is what many would consider a continual individual process rather than something with a clear prescriptive path and an endpoint. One that requires self-reflection, self-compassion, and a willingness to make changes in your life. It is understandable that you may be feeling unsure of how to be yourself or how to improve your self-worth, but it is important to remember that you are not alone in facing these challenges.

One thing that might be helpful is to focus on self-care practices, such as exercise, getting enough sleep, and eating a healthy diet. These foundational practices can help improve your physical and mental well-being, which can in turn boost your self-esteem and confidence. You mentioned that you are working towards your ideal body, which is a great goal. However, it's important to remember that your self-worth is not solely dependent on your appearance but should arguably also include your personal values, strengths, and accomplishments.

In terms of trusting again and improving your social anxiety, if therapy is not a realistic option for you I would consider doing what you can to independently identify the underlying causes of your anxiety and help you develop coping strategies. It may also be helpful to work on building healthy relationships with others. This can involve building strong communication skills, setting boundaries, and learning to trust yourself and your own judgment.

As for healing from the breakup, it is normal to feel grief and other difficult emotions after a significant loss. It is important to allow yourself to feel and process these emotions, rather than trying to suppress them. It may also be helpful to find healthy ways to cope with these emotions, such as through journaling, talking to a trusted friend or relative, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and a sense of accomplishment.

'Just be yourself' is a common trope which is quite ambiguous and understandably generates confusion. I think it's far better to think about the characteristics, values, and habits that you want to possess and work to develop those things in a measurable way.

As said above, becoming the best version of yourself is an ongoing process, and it is okay and probably more sustainable to take things one step at a time. I recommend setting small, achievable goals for yourself and celebrating your cumulative progress. Remember to be kind to yourself and to seek support from trusted friends and family if needed.