How do I stop being such a piece of shit

Hello and thank you for submitting this question. I am sorry to hear that you have been dealing with depression and anger problems for most of your life. Symptoms related to depression and anger can be limiting and negatively impact your overall life. What type of symptoms are you experiencing. Also, given that you have experienced these symptoms most of your life, have you considered seeing a psychiatrist for medication management if interested? Two questions to think about as you address your current needs. It sounds as though your symptoms related to depression, anger and drinking are not a good match. I am sorry to hear that you became "really I mean and abusive to her". No one deserves to be treated abusively. I am pleased that you are reaching out for help. This is a good first step - Self Awareness. You know personally that your symptoms of depression, anger and drinking lead to negative actions and behaviors from you. My recommendation is that you seek counseling services - seeing a Counselor regularly (weekly) to work through your thoughts, behaviors, frustrations, and triggers for your anger. Also, consult with a Psychiatrist regarding possible medication management to manage your symptoms. I believe you will benefit from a thorough assessment of your symptoms and history to develop and comprehensive plan for treatment. Please hear me say: there is hope for you! As long as you are willing to seek help, follow the recommendations of your treating providers and do the work that you all have agreed on - consistently, you will do well. It may be that drinking causes you to not moderate your emotions, feelings, and reactions. Are you able to stop drinking safely and cut back on drinking a lot? This may be another aspect to assess by a behavioral health provider. If you are currently drinking a lot and would benefit from detox, you can be referred and treated safely. If you can safely stop on your own, I would try. You and your current can consider getting relationship counseling to work through some of the present challenges. As you admitted to being abusive to your girlfriend, please encourage her to seek mental health help to talk about/process what has happened and how she can cope and progress. This will be helpful to her and your current/her future relationship. Acknowledging your challenges and apologizing to your girlfriend will be helpful. Also, let her know you plan to seek her to become a better person for yourself and others. I will close by saying, knowledge is power. When we know more, we do more. Given that you know and are aware that your depression symptoms, anger and drinking are not serving you well, work hard to make changes in these areas. It will be challenging to make changes by yourself. You definitely will benefit from working with mental health professionals to guide and support you throughout the process. I wish you well as you work on your current mental health needs. Help and support are available to you - use it!