How do I tell someone I'm trans?

To evolution:

I am glad that you reached out. I imagine it is not easy to disclose this information to certain family and peers, and you may be concerned about how they will respond. Trust that anyone who is a true friend or loved one ought to be accepting and understanding.  And if not, then it may be time to re-evaluate the role they play in your life.  As for having some depressive symptoms, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) pay be helpful for you.  It involves paying attention to how our thoughts, feelings and behavior are all connected.  Often times, unhealthy or unhelpful behaviors are the result of unhealthy/unhelpful thoughts, and gaining insight into this could be quite helpful for you. And while you may think that others are judging you or having a hard time understanding you, most people are paying way more attention to their own behavior and thoughts than anyone else’s.  Keep this in mind when you notice your anxious or depressive thoughts patterns being triggered.

If you decide to start counseling on BetterHelp, there are some unique features of to know about it.  For example, you will have access to the online Journal and be able to share entries with your therapist if you choose to do so.  You can also message your provider in between appointments, and take advantage of the online Groupinars that are presented on a variety of different mental health topics.  Qualified BetterHelp clinicians speak on different mental health topics ranging from attachment issues to relationships to mindfulness, just to name a few.

Ultimately, you have to decide what is best for you.  Psychology Today published an article last year on how to get the most out of therapy.  Probably one of the most important things is to "choose the right therapist," but this is different for everyone.  It is okay to shop around, so to speak, when looking for a therapist so that you can find the person that you think will best meet your needs and who you can feel comfortable with and ideally quickly build rapport.  It may sound cliché but you get out of therapy what you put in.  So if you go into it with an open mind, are consistent with appointments, and make an effort to practice what you learn, you can see amazing results.  And don't be afraid to provide feedback to your therapist on what is and is not working well.  A good therapist will want to know this.

I have listed some additional general self-help tips below, many of which I generally share with my clients.

o   Having a consistent self-care as well as self-esteem practice is critical.  What do you do for your self-care?  They can be short mindful moments throughout the day, seeking out some creature comforts and pampering, or finding what you truly enjoy and getting lost in it.  As for self-esteem, take the time to notice what you really like about yourself and honor this.  For some, they will even spend time each day honoring themselves positively in the mirror (this includes considering both internal and external traits!). And consider saying them aloud, and “I love you” to your reflection.  It may seem silly and awkward at first, but can be worth it and help you feel more confident in social situations.

o   Physical activity can help reduce stress and depressive symptoms as it releases endorphins and enhances chemicals in our brains that help us to feel better, like serotonin and dopamine that are connected to positive well-being.  When done on a regular basis it is most beneficial but even one strenuous workout can greatly help to enhance your mood!

o   Practice relaxation skills.  I know I am repeating myself when I say self-care is so key! Try such calming and meditative exercises as deep-breathing, imagery of a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or mantra you create for yourself such as “I am enough.”  Journaling thoughts and feelings can also be useful.  And don’t forget to laugh!  Having a sense of humor and being able to look on the bright side can go a long way in achieving a sense of peace and happiness. 

I hope you find some of this helpful.  There are a number of BH clinicians who I am sure would be happy to work with you.  Good luck and be well!

Regards,

Alicia