How to stop being introverted or accept it because it's causing me pain and depression

Hi Barry!  Welcome to the platform. I'm Maya, one of the therapists here on Better Help.  Let me see if I can shed some light on your question. 

Many people feel that the the label "introverted" describes them, so you are not alone there!  There is nothing wrong with being introverted.  It is not abnormal, and it is not always a disadvantage, indeed introversion has many plusses.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time!  But being introverted isn't a mental health disorder, so I don't think it's necessarily logical to assume that introversion is what's making your life 'terrible'.  In most cases, our thoughts impact our experience more than our personality type or even our life situations... HOW WE CHOOSE TO LOOK AT LIFE.  As the late great psychologist Wayne Dyer once said "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change." Ponder that! 

The vast majority of introverted people do not have a problem "keeping relationships" with family and friends, and they do not feel depressed.   That being said, you clearly feel disconnected to people, and if your personality is extremely introverted, then it's possible that could be plying a role in your isolation.  Feeling alone in the world, without much support or companionship,  can definitely give rise to depression.  But I have a hunch that if that is your situation, then perhaps your introversion is also combined with some social anxiety and possibly low self esteem as well.  The good news?  Therapy can help with ALL of that and more!  I think therapy would be a wise idea for you, since you say that the problem is getting worse over time. 

It's important for you to know that you do not have to choose between "accepting" your personality and modifying it.  You can do BOTH!  Acceptance will help you stay calm enough to formulate a game plan for self improvement! 

No two introverted people are exactly alike.  You are unique.  So make a list of the aspects of your personality and character that you LIKE.  Then make a list of the things you'd like to modify or change about yourself or you "way of being" with others. Therapy can help you develop those new behaviors and skills over time.  Therapy can also teach you how to manage your emotions better and overcome depression. You may also be interested in reading a book on the topic of introversion, such as the book titled  Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain.  

You mentioned a sleep issue too.  Poor sleep is not typically associated with introversion, but it definitely goes hand in hand with depression!  So I want to give you some important sleep information and tips that can help to elevate your mood:   

Really optimizing your sleep is the main key to feeling better emotionally and getting your life in order. Great sleep also helps immensely with physical health issues, chronic pain, weight management, and disease prevention. But great sleep isn't just about how many hours of sleep you get per night, it's also about how deeply you sleep!…

Deep sleep is what keeps us healthy and happy! To assure that your brain experiences an optimal amount of deep sleep per night, make sure to get some indirect sunlight to the retinas of your eyes every morning. Go out to your porch and sit for a bit or take a walk, first thing in the morning. Avoid looking directly into the sun of course, but do look up at the sky! If that's not possible, utilize a Nature Bright light to get the same 'sunlight effect.' That sunlight to the eyes will help your body release a hormone that will help you fall asleep faster and sleep deeper each night, and it will help correct night-time wakefulness as well.

Also, be sure to avoid 'blue light' after the sun goes down. Blue light is emitted from TV screens, phone screens, and computers/laptops. It's even emitted from most types of indoor lighting. Blue light tricks your brain into thinking the sun is still out! And that ruins the quality of sleep you're getting each night. That's a big reason so many people don't feel calm, content, and energized, even though they may be getting 8 or more hours of solid sleep at night.

Many people who are aware of this 'blue night at night' problem think that if they rely on the "night-time" light setting on their electronic devices, that will help the quality of their sleep. Unfortunately though, that doesn't solve the problem, because it doesn't block the blue light adequately. It's much better to stay off all electronics after dark, and switch all household lighting to incandescent bulbs, or using candle light. Or if you like watching TV in the evening and being on your phone or computer after dark, simply wear 'Blue-blocker' amber glasses once the sun goes down. Beware that some of the blue-blocker glasses being sold are sold are a rip off... they do not block very much blue light!... plus they really make it hard to see clearly. So I recommend Spectra brand amber glasses… they are reasonably priced and on Amazon.

Remember... if you don't optimize your sleep, it will be much harder to achieve your life goals and keep your mood balanced.   Deep sleep is one of your very best life improvement tools! 

Establish a pre-bedtime routine that's calming, soothing, and pleasant. If your alarm clock is waking you from a sound sleep, that is a sign that you need to get to bed earlier.

If you need or want to take a naps during the day, keep them before 12 noon, that way it will not wreck havoc with the quality of your night-time sleep. Avoid night-time shift-work if at all possible!  Make sure to get daily exercise. Avoid caffeine after the noon hour.

If you are following all of this sleep advice, yet are still experiencing trouble consistently getting yourself to bed at a reasonable hour (sleep resistance), or trouble drifting off to sleep (insomnia), or if you're waking during the night or having nightmares, it's time to see a doctor, psychologist, or therapist for some customized sleep guidance.

Hope this helped!  Maya