I feel constantly depressed and have a lack of motivation, what can I do?

Greeting Anna,

From what I read, you are attributing the feeling of loneliness to your experience with sadness. My first question for you would be, how is your experience with sadness different from your experience with depression? Sadness and depression are often said interchangeably; however, there are distinguishable factors that lead to a clinical depressive episode and a natural emotional period of sadness. If you are unsure, psychoeducation on the differential factors between sadness and depression may be beneficial for you to build further self-awareness and insight. The knowledge gathered from your increased exploration of the self can give you more understanding of what you can do and how to do it. I encourage you to invest in counseling services to help with this exploration.

How we interpret our emotional experiences are extremely important, along with how we are thinking about the events that are currently happening in our lives. In part of the question, you have mentioned current events that are happening in your personal life. You mentioned having a job, a supportive family with no friends, and your location proximity to your social group. I am wondering about your perception about these life events, in addition to how it may be related to your current emotional experience. Notice how I say your perception and not the life circumstances themselves. It is often taught that our emotions are based upon our thoughts and interpretations about life events, not about the actual events themselves. Thus, taking the time to explore your thoughts related to your current situation can be extremely beneficial to see if there are any destructive thoughts needing to be addressed. This can also be explored with a counselor.

At times, our emotions may be paired with actions that are not beneficial to us at the moment. For example, sadness may be accompanied with the urge to isolate; anxiety may present with an urge to avoid or procrastinate. The act of isolation alone does not serve us when we want to build and nourish healthy relationships with others; the behavior of avoidance does not help us complete a task that is important to us. During times when we experience emotions accompanied with urges that do not serve us, it is important to engage in the opposite of that urge. I encourage you to either get or remain active, avoid avoiding, and participate in activities that bring a sense of pleasure or happiness to you on a more frequent basis. These activities can also include completing tasks that bring feelings of competency and/or confidence. During these activities, be present in the moment (this means focusing on the here-and-now; being mindful). Counseling sessions can help with exploring what these suggestions look like for you individually and helping you practice mindfulness. 

Please note: I do not pathologize emotional experiences, and I encourage everyone to humanize their emotions. Thus, the goal is not to numb you nor remove discomforting emotions for all eternity. Emotions similar to sadness serve a purpose and avoiding discomforting emotions takes away from that purpose. So when I am giving recommendations and suggestions - understand we are seeking a healthy balance, adaptive action-urges to discomforting emotions, and a better understanding of our own internal and external personal experiences. 

I hope this was helpful for you.