Is it OK to not be OK?

The short answer is: Yes, it is ok to not be OK.

The long answer is: No, if it is effecting your life on a daily basis and it is becoming harder and harder to get through normal tasks. 

Let's examine some of the reasons it may be time to ask for help.  There are many reasons why we don't feel "ok" at times. Often, when people feel not ok, it is because they can pinpoint a specific event that has caused the feeling of being unwell (sadness, anger, depression, etc.). However, others may have this ongoing feeling throughout their lifetime, or suddenly and are unable to figure out why they feel what they feel.  When this happens, we (as humans) want to get back to our place of normalcy. It's important to note, the word normalcy is unique for each individual.  Each person is able to function within their own center of balance  and when they believe something is not right, will describe it in many ways (ex: not normal, feeling off, not OK). 

There are multiple reasons why one might feel "off" or not ok.  Let's examine some of the these reasons.  They are the Who, What, When, Why, and Where.  For many, only one of these applies and for others they may all apply. 

The "who" revolves around the current environment of people with whom you are surrounding yourself. Are these people trusted individuals who have your best interest at heart, or are they gaslighting you and trying to undermine your thoughts and feelings at every turn?  Surrounding ourselves with people who are emotionally supportive and bring joy into our lives is one of the keys to having a strong emotional foundation. Sometimes, we are in a situation where we are surrounded by people (I.e. family) that are not supportive of our thoughts and feelings. People often feel bullied by those they should be able to trust. Seeking therapy can be a wonderful outlet as it provides a judgement free zone for people to express themselves, to work through thoughts and feelings, and to explore new ideas for behaviors that may be different from their family of origin.  

The "what" involves situations of inner conflict. What are the issues that bring you to tears every night? The thoughts and feelings, memories, or desires of things you want or need to change in your life.  Often these things are difficult to verbalize and can cause pain in our lives. This pain can create behaviors that disrupt relationships. Being able to identify the "what" will help you clarify the next steps in your emotional journey. 

The "when" can be related to an event which has occurred in your life that may be causing you pain.  Being able to process through memories can be a hard thing to do on our own, as it takes a clear understanding of the event and a good support system. Some events occur repeatedly throughout our lifetime. Other events occur seemingly at random.  Leaning new skills to cope with feelings of not being Ok is possible. Usually when new skills are learned, they are able to assist in all areas of ones life.  It is important to take note that skills learned during therapy can give you powerful tools to practice throughout your life. 

The "where" is an important piece. Our environment shapes us. It guides us through our journey. Our environment can also hinder our development and growth towards happiness. We may have a specific place that is making us unhappy, such as our place of employment.  Others, may have experienced a traumatic event in a specific place, therefore going to that place causes a feeling of not being Ok.  Some people may have experienced a place in time, that was so traumatic that it overshadows various aspect of their current life.  Given these examples, it becomes clearer how events can shape and even seemingly control our daily lives.  Developing new coping skills helps to separate events from the past to experiences happening present day.  These coping mechanisms are not able to make an event or memories disappear, but they are able to help with managing relationships and daily living in a healthy way.  

The "why" is one of the most difficult as we often question ourselves as to why we feel the way we do.  Many other emotions get intertwined in this simple question such as anger, guilt, depression, shame and the list goes on. Processing through these emotions can be very difficult and often people want to push away the feelings, which in turn makes the depression and self deprecation stronger. Constantly questioning ourselves, 'Why do I feel this way?' only punishes and does not promote healthy coping skills.  

Now that we have examined some of the various reasons why people feel not ok.  Let's discuss the severity of not feeling Ok. If you are going to bed every night crying, have thoughts that no one loves you, and feel like a nobody, it sounds like your daily living situation has become overwhelming.  It is ok to feel a bit off once in a while, but when it begins to effect you daily, and days turn into weeks, and weeks into months it is time to reach out for help.  Thank you for asking your question. I can tell you are ready to begin your emotional health journey.  

It is important to note, that even the most emotionally healthy people have moments of sadness and self doubt.  It can become overwhelming when we are surrounded by people who seem as though they cope well in any situation. This is often a person's first indication that something is not right. Basing your emotional journey on others can lead to self doubt, negative self talk, and a feeling of the weight of the world on your shoulders. Speaking with a professional who understands ever journey is different can be a great start to a more fulfilling life. The difference lies in the coping skills.  These skills range from being able to communicate your thoughts and feelings, process through how those thoughts make you feel, and then develop new behaviors when presented with a situation that may cause a negative outcome. 

I hope you found this helpful and I wish you luck on your emotional health journey.