Why do I feel alone and not whole when I have an almost perfect life?

Hi Lilylee.  Thank you for asking your question here on BetterHelp.  You shared that you have a relationship with God, good friends, an amazing boyfriend, parents that love you but you feel broken.  You said you are beating yourself up and you are not sure why you feel this way.  I'm also hearing that you are very grateful for all you have and you aren't sure why you feel this way.  I'm glad you have chosen to express your feelings here Lilylee.  

     You said you "should" be okay.  "Should" is something called a cognitive distortion.  Should statements are a common negative thinking pattern, or cognitive distortion, that can contribute to feelings of fear and worry. They also put unreasonable demands and pressure on ourselves, which can make us feel guilty or like we've failed.  You named a support system (family, a boyfriend, friends) and religious beliefs that are making you feel like you "shouldn't" be feeling the way you do- lonely, broken and not okay.  Using should statements usually makes people only feel worse about their situation because it is like setting a standard that one may have extreme difficulty or no way of realistically achieving.  When you put these kinds of pressures on yourself, it leads to behaviors like isolating, not seeking help when you need it and (in some cases) can develop into depression, anxiety and self-esteem issues.  Lilylee, do you relate to any of these things?  Have you been feeling depression, anxiety or self-esteem issues?  If you have, you're not alone.  Many people who are depressed, anxious or have self-esteem issues have excellent families, good friends, partners and faith in God.  These things do not shield people from depression, anxiety or self-esteem issues.  However, they are resiliency factors.  

     Resiliency is the ability to recover from distress, trauma or difficulties.  When one has resiliency it does not mean that they will not face adversity, it only means they have ways to better recover from these adversities than those who do not.  Resiliency factors include having healthy relationships (for you, you have named family and friendships) and having a purpose (for you, this might be your religion).  There are many other resiliency factors that can be built.  However, I think that diving in with a therapist to discover what is behind the loneliness and brokenness you are feeling would be very meaningful work for you Lilylee.  I would be honored to work with you to do this, or, you can connect with another therapist on BetterHelp.  Either way, I wish you the best and hope you are able to feel better very soon!