Why do my emotions sometimes feel overwhelming to the point I feel out of control with them?

Hi Munch -

I would love to respond to your question! Sometimes our emotions do overwhelm us, and then we feed into them, it becomes a cycle, a whirlwind of negativity. Of course it is hard not to react, to raise your voice or lash out when those feelings start overwhelming your mind.

First, remember that emotions are transitory - they don't last. I believe that our thoughts create our emotions, our emotions drive our behavior, and our behavior turns around and informs our thoughts. Here is an example:

"I think I'm going to fail this test."

"I feel scared, and angry at myself for not studying enough."

When my friend asks "did you study for the test?" I snap or yell at her.

So, it is really hard to change the emotions - in this case "scared" and "angry." So...let's go back to the thought. "I am going to fail." 

Hmm. How about shifting that thought to "I have studied, but am still not sure" or "I guess I'll do as well as I can." Sometimes that is all it takes to at least shift the anger to something a little milder - "I am annoyed that I hung out with my friends instead of spending Sunday night hitting the books," but also "I did have a good time with friends on Sunday."

When the negativity starts spiraling, I wonder what it would be like to pause, and really look at the thoughts (and the actions!) that are coming through the emotions?

The other thing is...you can't "unthink" something. Try this - DON'T think about a white bear. Don't think about a polar bear, or a bear at the zoo, don't think anything about bears...especially not white ones. 

OK. What are you thinking about? (If it isn't a white bear, I'll eat my hat)

So instead...think about a horse. A brown horse...running through the meadow. She pauses and neighs at you, cocking her head as if she is waiting for you to answer. That horse is so beautiful, it is like she is calling you to run through the meadow with her.....

See? I bet the bear vanished from your thoughts as you focused on the horse. It's the same with the negative thoughts. If you say "no, I don't want to think about this," you just keep focusing on it over and over. Instead, think about what you want to do tomorrow, or about your friend that you need to call, or .... well, anything distracting. A game. A book....something else.

Will you try that?