Can bullying be a one-off incident?

Bullying is aggressive, unwelcome behavior that involves either a real or perceived power imbalance. This behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time. Both those who bully and those who are bullied can have serious lasting problems. From this definition, it’s clear that bullying either repeats or has the potential to be repeated, so it isn’t typically a one-off incident.

The person perpetrating the bullying controls the situation and selects a time and place to engage in the bullying behavior. The child being bullied often reacts to the situation, not controlling it or perceiving that they have no control in the situation. For this reason, it is often a person who is being bullied who is first “caught” in the act – only the act they’re caught in is one of reaction or self-defense instead of an incident of bullying. This may create the idea that the reactor, the child being bullied, engaged in a one-time offense of bullying.

Often, those who observe bullying or become aware of it after an incident like the one above or lack a full history of the incident. They may mistake it for a single argument or incident based on their limited knowledge of the situation.

Bullying can take on many forms. Verbal bullying includes:

• “teasing”
• Name-calling
• Inappropriate sexual commentary
• Taunting
• Threats

Social bullying may include:

• Intentionally leaving someone out
• Spreading rumors or lies about someone
• Publicly embarrassing someone
• Telling others to ignore or not be friends with the target

Physical bullying may involve:

• Hitting, kicking, punching, pushing, tripping, pinching
• Spitting
• Taking someone’s things
• Breaking someone’s things
• Making obscene or rude gestures

Kids who are bullied often experience negative impacts, including depression, anxiety, feelings of sadness, changes in sleep, decreased academic performance, and loss of interest in activities. Some of these may last into adulthood or contribute to trauma that develops as a result of bullying. For children who bully others, there are complications like the increased likelihood of abuse substances, getting into fights, having sex at an earlier age, becoming involved with law enforcement, or being abusive toward future romantic partners and their own children as adults.

If you are or have experienced bullying, reach out to a trusted adult for help, and report bullying incidents to appropriate authorities. This may mean teachers, principals, school counselors, bus officials, community center employees, parents, or any trusted adult. If you’re a parent who suspects that your child is being bullied, talk with your child and the appropriate authorities about your concerns. If you’re an adult who may be dealing with the aftereffects of bullying, therapy may be helpful.