What bullying is not?

Bullying, at times, is equal parts objective and subjective.  Bullying can be objective in a legal or policy-based sense.  A school or workplace may legally define bullying within their policies and procedures and what actions or consequences may happen if bullying occurs.  These policies might even explicitly define what specific behavior could be considered objectively bullying.

To understand how bullying can be subjective, it is important to know the general definition of bullying.  In this case, experts typically look for three different factors to define whether or not bullying has occurred.  The first one is to determine whether or not the behavior is repeatedly happening and not just once.  Secondly, the person doing the behavior is perceiving a power imbalance between themselves and the intended victim.  Thirdly, the central goal of the behavior being perpetrated is to cause fear, distress, and pain. Still, though, some folks might not consider themselves as being bullied even if these factors exist.  So, it is safe to say that if these above-listed behaviors are happening and the victim feels the impact of it, then it can subjectively be considered bullying.

It is also important to point out that sometimes the reverse of the situation indicated above does happen.  In this case, someone might perceive what is happening to them as bullying; however, the “harmful” or “aggressive” behaviors/actions do not fit the criteria listed above.  For this reason, it is important to be aware of when bullying is and is not occurring to ensure that the necessary action is taken to handle these different situations.  Behaviors such as arguments, being rude, name-calling (as an isolated incident), excluding someone, telling someone what to do/being “bossy,” having differences of opinion, or not liking someone are all examples of possibly aggressive behavior.  However, this does not mean that they are all necessary instances of bullying. 

All of the listed examples from above do require some intervention.  It is behavior that might indicate future aggression or patterns that might lead to bullying behavior.  However, the intervention taken to address these situations would not be the same as the intervention that would be needed in a situation where ongoing bullying occurs.  When bullying occurs, the intervention often includes both means to stop the bullying and some negative reinforcement or punishment for the bullying behavior. It is much more extensive and a higher level of care than the means used to address simply aggressive or concerning behaviors.