Ask a therapist > Family > Can a person be troubled by spending a lot of time alone?

Can a person be troubled by spending a lot of time alone?

I'm a great guy, a leader at work. A great friend with good info for friends that need help, I'M the person that helps everyone, but doesn't have help for myself. I have family that needs inspiration, but after so much effort in trying to repair the family, I've gotten to the point of throwing my hands up. Is this choice of doing ME, instead of repairing things out of my control. A good choice?
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Asked by Milo
Family
Answered
12/04/2022

You sound like the type of person who loves to help those around him. While this is a huge strength, it can also be incredibly draining. Any decision is ultimately yours to make but here are a few things to consider;

1) Before throwing up your hands, have you considered setting boundaries with your relatives and friends so you don't feel as if you are always being pulled in a million directions?

2) How much of the current situation that bothers you is completely out of your control? And what parts of that make you uncomfortable?

3) Family is usually worth fighting for; however, have you thought about a time where you will feel comfortable drawing the line?

4) Who out there is fighting for you? Being the person who is there for everyone is incredibly draining at times and it is imperative that you care for yourself as well as, if not better, than you would care for your loved ones.

5) You mentioned spending time alone. Giving yourself time to recharge can be vital to your success as a person, friend, relative and general participant of society. If you're feeling pressure by specific individuals to spend all of your time and energy on them, it may be time to consider if these are the best relationships for you to continue pursuing.

6) Have you considered that devoting energy towards yourself and healing yourself from the inside may be the thing that sparks those in your family to make similar changes? Change is terrifying for many individuals and the ultimate motivator can be someone they care about making strides toward actively bettering themselves. How do you currently care for yourself? What are some ways you have cared for yourself or shown yourself compassion in the past that you felt were beneficial? 

I hope some of these thoughts will be helpful in your journey of healing. I'll leave you with a few final thoughts; At the end of the day, trust your gut, after all, we have a gut instinct for a reason and it is usually right.  Fight for those you care about - especially yourself.