How can I encourage my stubborn daughter to treat me with respect?

My daughter is 30 and recently got married. She is a crisis therapist. I was an adult Outpatient Therapist. I say day, she says night. I say black, she says white.
Asked by Marty

Hi Marty.  Thanks for posting your question here on BetterHelp. 

This description demonstrates that your daughter may be stubborn, as you've described, or, she may be argumentative, opinionated, or a number of other things.  However, I'd like to frame this from your point of reference Marty.  That's what you are feeling.  Have you ever communicated this to your daughter?  Being that you are two therapists, I imagine this has been discussed.  So, I am going to skip past this rather quickly.  What I'd like to see is if the two of you might be able to discuss your perceptions of what is happening with each other.  Earlier I said that your point of reference was that your daughter is stubborn.  I am not using these words to make you feel you are wrong and she is right...but to explain that this is the way you she things.  She may see things differently.  In fact, I almost guarantee she does based on what you told me. 

If you can allow yourself to hear the way she sees things, then you might be able to do the next step I am going to suggest.  Ask yourself before meeting with your daughter what you want to change.  Of course you want her to treat you with respect, but what does this look like?  Does this mean when you have an opinion to express she considers it before ignoring it?  Does this mean that she doesn't interrupt you when you're talking to say the opposite of what you are trying to say?  Knowing what you want and then discussing this with her, in a specific manner, makes it more likely you can get what you really want.  Now, here's the part that may make things a bit more difficult.  You have to be willing to listen to what she wants.  And, after hearing her wants, be willing to negotiate.  The main goal here is relationship preservation, right?  I know you care about your daughter...and, believe it or not...I think the two of you might be more alike than different.  

If you find that these tactics don't work between just the two of you, consider inviting a third party, like a family therapist into the conversation.  If you'd like resources or would like to speak to a therapist, please reach out to BetterHelp.  Thanks for asking your question here Marty.