How do I do things in life even tho the people closest to me don’t seem to support it?

Incongruence related to values and expectations can cause a lot of internal discomfort and confusion.  Anxious and depressive symptoms can make that confusion worse as well as the core values and beliefs that have been influenced in our lives by family, friends, and society.  While my first recommendation would be working with a professional counselor, therapist, psychologist, or social worker I also understand this may not always be possible. If you are unable to work directly with a professional, beginning to explore the values, rules, attitudes, and views in which you operate (or would like to operate) will help you define the healthy boundaries you want to place on the relationships in your life.  Coming to a place where you have an understanding of your own value system and moral compass will enable you to feel assured in setting those boundaries related to your choices. When one's choices do not align with their value system, or the consequences of their choices create separation from the ones we love, this is often when people struggle with self-acceptance. We tend to move closer to maladaptive coping strategies or strategies that often result in negative consequences. 

If you choose to work with a professional, one of the first steps would be to identify the specific emotions like fear, anxiety, distress, inadequacy, and insecurity related to the incongruence.  Rapport and trust in the therapist you are working with will be essential in working towards a goal of clarity, peace, and self-acceptance.  Working with a professional, developing effective coping strategies for reducing negative emotions and/or symptoms can make the difference in quality of life during this self-exploration.  Every person functions and operates differently, so finding the specific coping strategies that work the best and are most effective for you will be essential.

Finding a professional who has a strong, well-rounded, and competent understanding of the barriers, complexities, challenges, stigmas, and culture you are ingrained within should be something you seek during the process.  People who are starting their therapeutic journey should treat this like a job interview: you deserve the best service and treatment! Find someone who you can connect with, feel comfortable exploring difficult topics, a person who will challenge you to grow from a place of support and genuine positive regard! Take your time exploring a variety of professionals, reviewing any feedback from previous clients, their credentials, work experiences, as well as having interactions of interpersonal conversations.  This should be the first goal as you begin this journey! Professionals who have experience working with this problem area will be able to work concisely and effectively with you to identify YOUR goals for treatment, aid in developing a plan to work towards goals, challenge you to make progress, encourage you to find your path to success, and work alongside you to build skills you may need in the future when faced with other challenges.   

As you begin to unpack the incongruence, the best advice I can give is to be honest, open, and willing to explore.  Motivation may come and go, so finding the reason for you to dig deep into the problem will be essential in staying connected even when this feels uncomfortable or challenging beyond your normal comfort-level. No matter what, good luck in your journey! You are strong and that shows by the mere fact that you even reached out for clarity and support!