How do I explain to my mother that I would like to try therapy without hurting her feelings?

Hi Jo:

Thank you for your question.  I deeply appreciate that you have made the courageous decision to explore your parents' recent divorce with a professionally trained therapist, and to honor the importance of looking into this pivotal event in your life. 

As a former counselor and manager for a Family court, I watched hundreds of families navigate the very difficult transition of divorce and separation.  I can tell you that your question is very similar to the young kids and young adults who often wanted to know the exact same question you are posing. The main question I was often asked was: how do I get my parents to know that I have feelings and/or questions about the divorce too.  Often the kids and young people in the transition felt invisible to their parents in the process. Divorce happens to the entire family, not just the adults involved. I don't know the exact circumstances of your family but it sounds like you need to process the aftermath and would benefit by your Mom being in the room.   

It can be confusing to sort out the impact of your parent's marriage coming to an end. It is again a testament that you have decided to explore the impact that it is having on you, especially when the divorce is so recent. At the same time, as stated, you are recognizing the benefit of having your mother join you inside of the counseling.  She likely has perspective and experience of the event that would assist you. This shows real maturity and insight on our part. I'm thinking too, your mother may also benefit and be strengthened by the two of you exploring this stage of family change together. 

I see that you indicate the two of you are very close. 

As for how to approach the conversation, it might be helpful for you to pose her attending with you somewhat similar to how you have framed your question in BetterHelp.  It might go something like this:  "Mom, I'd like to share with you a positive decision I have made. As you know the divorce between you and Dad has caused me to want to learn how to navigate as best I can  moving forward, it's been an adjustment for both of us, and I want to take strong steps moving forward. I wondered if you would be willing to join me for a few sessions with a therapist who I've agreed to see?"  

"In my asking you to join me, I don't want you to feel that you did anything wrong, or that I'm depressed, or in crisis. I am not. I just want to talk some things out. I also really just want some tips on how to adjust to the changes within our family and to kind of process some of the events that led up to it. Is this something that you think you and I could attend together? It would really mean a lot to me to have your support in the room (or online in the session)."

I believe, and in my experience, that when a family is fresh from divorce proceedings or court involvement that this is a prime time, a rich moment,  for families to engage the aftermath of what has occurred. It's a time to resettle and a re-look can bring families even closer with a therapist, than if they attempt this work alone. Typically, there has been a lot of stress and or fluctuation in the families' functioning post divorce; and most parents that I worked with welcome therapy and even benefit from family work (not just individual).  

So, Jo, my final piece of advice would be that if your Mother should decline to attend the therapy with you that I hope you will proceed with your decision to attend anyway. Your decision shows tremendous strength, courage and a search for your truth. Every person decides at their own rate and time in which to seek professional therapy, and while I hope your Mom does happily join you in therapy, I want to reinforce your decision to go for you and for your wellness. You are so worth it.  

Please advise if I can be of any further assistance. I hope this provides some level of advice to you at this important time.