How do I start feeling like a good person and get motivated?

It is very common for experiences, especially traumatic or negative ones, to stimulate the mind into formulating negative and incorrect beliefs about the self. It is normal and valid that you would be hurting from your father's rejection and that in turn you might internalize the feeling wondering "what did I do?, where did I go wrong?" and even go as far as believing that you have been "a massive disappointment." 

When you ask about how to start feeling like a good person to increase your motivation, there is no one clear cut answer. Everyone's healing looks differently and it's something only you can explore through support and guidance.

Some healing journeys might look like unpacking and processing the events that spiraled and led to the negative event. Finding the answers within, making connections between these events and the thoughts and emotions you now carry, and reframing it all in your mind so that it becomes more healing.

When we are stuck with our negative thoughts, those thoughts will oftentimes have us believing that they are the ultimate truth and that nothing will ever change, and your body will react to those thoughts through negative or overwhelming symptoms which then leads to your mind thinking about all the events that would seemingly prove that things in fact will never change, making it hard to think about all the times you were able to resolve, heal and move forward.

Going back to the previously mentioned negative thoughts [cognitions], some of these will oftentimes, if not every time, be distorted beliefs. Beliefs that go to extremes - such as either black or white thinking, overgeneralizing, catastrophizing, etc. Once you begin to catch that these thoughts are very extreme you will be able to respond to them differently, they will not be accepted as the complete truth, but instead you'll begin to feel curious about digging and understanding further. Sometimes digging further makes it easier to acknowledge rational or factual information that would immediately disproof those negative cognitions. 

For every thought that feels extreme take a moment to ask yourself... "is there any factual information to indicate that the thought I am having might be true?" "is there any factual information to indicate that the thought I am having might not be true? But actually quite opposite?" "How do I feel now that I have taken both sides into account?" You will find that once you take all the facts into account the thought does not seem so scary or so overwhelming as it previously did.

You can take this process further and even ask yourself "if a friend was going through what I am going through having this exact same thought, what advice would I give them?" and you will find that you had the answer all along, because many of us tend to be kinder to the people we love and harsher with the way we talk to ourselves. 

But most importantly, if you find it very difficult to process what you are going through on your own, please do not hesitate to seek support. You will find that with support and guidance from a therapist you will be able to quickly gain insight and techniques to help alleviate some of the emotions and symptoms that you have been finding overwhelming.