How do you cope with having a bipolar/morbidly obese mother?

Hi Bambi!  Welcome to the platform!  I'm glad you reached out with your question.  Sounds like you had a rough time of it in your teenage years, with the time and energy you spent helping to manage your mother's bipolar disorder.  Especially because it is a complicated task that is not something that a teenager is supposed to know how to do!  Although it sounds like your mother was very lucky to have you, I would be willing to bet that the experience of being her "caretaker" in that way robbed you of some of your childhood.  That wasn't fair to you, and I'm sorry to hear it happened to you.  There's actually a name for it!... it's called being "parentified," meaning when a child or teenager is put in the position of having to "parent" one or both of their parents or a younger sibling. 

It sounds like you've got a high level of insight!  How do I know?  Because you mention that you've realized over the years that mom sometimes relied on you too heavily.  Yes, and I'm guessing that maybe she still does, or you probably wouldn't be writing in with your question.  You're correct in implying that obesity is a health issue, and it sounds as if your mom is not attending very well to her self care.  That's a problem, yes.   And it's only natural for you to be concerned (perhaps even deeply concerned!) about that problem, since you naturally care about mom.   But it's important to realize that it's HER problem to fix (or not), Bambi, as SHE sees fit.   It's not YOUR problem to solve.  Taking HER problem onto YOUR shoulders will only lead to the very kind of anger and frustration that you are experiencing.  It can also lead to resentment, anxiety and depression, eventually.

So I happen to love your question: "How do I break out of that cycle?"  You've already taken the first step actually, by realizing it's a pattern that needs to be corrected.  There's always more than one way to look at a problem, and more than one way to resolve it.   But one concept that will be very useful to you in this situation is the idea of setting some clear BOUNDARIES with mom, Bambi.   Can you learn about "boundaries" and how to effectively set them, on your own?  Sure, you can lear about that topic online and from self-help books.  But it can be difficult to set boundaries and stick to them!   If you opt to work with a therapist, you can get help with that and the assistance you receive will be customized to your particular personality, life situations, and predicaments with mom.  I'd be happy to work with you if you decide to join Better Help and request to work with me.  I specialize in family dynamics. We would work on ways for you to be a positive influence in mom's life, and perhaps even be of help to her, WITHOUT sacrificing your OWN wellbeing, self care, or happiness in the process! 

If mom is willing to get therapy with you, FAMILY therapy might be a very good idea for the two of you!

I hope this was helpful! 

Maya Neal , MS, LMFT