How does a person know they need therapy? Like to justify. And how do you explain to your family?

Hello, Summer! 

Thank you for your question. There are many different ways to approach your question that I am hoping will be helpful and practical. There are two short answers. First, one helpful way to know that you need therapy is if you are questioning whether you need therapy. Second, you know that you need therapy when you are someone who has thoughts and emotions.

I am completely biased as a mental health professional. :-) I will say that upfront. I think everyone should be in therapy. We are in our hearts and in our heads all day. Therefore, it makes the most sense to get the support of someone whose job it is to understand our thoughts and emotions and help us process and problem solve. To never go to therapy would be like never taking your car into the auto shop for servicing. Most people seem to understand that in order to keep a car running well, it needs supportive maintenance. To keep the car running from day to day, you need to put gas in it, but when you take it to the shop, the service team provides you with various other maintenance, and they make sure everything in your vehicle is in working order. 

Mental health or mental wellness can be viewed in the same way as the car. There may be things people do from day to day, like affirmations or guided meditation, or prayer. Some people may exercise or write in a journal. These, or other self-care activities, would be comparable to putting gas in the car. These are little things that can be done from day to day to keep a person feeling mentally well. Although these daily disciplines do have their benefit and can undoubtedly contribute to mental wellness, they are no substitute for therapy with a trained mental health professional. By entering into a therapeutic relationship with a qualified mental health professional, you are allowing yourself to be seen by someone who can take a closer look, dissect, identify, and help you problem solve the many thoughts and emotions that you experience every day. Furthermore, they can help you understand how these thoughts and emotions can or do affect the various areas of your life. The bottom line is just as all vehicles would benefit from professional car servicing, we all can benefit from therapy.

Unfortunately, I am unable to say too much about what supportive therapy might look like for you based on what you are currently experiencing. I simply do not have enough information at this time. However, based on the information you have written, it sounds like you might be living in a difficult home situation where you are not being listened to or understood. You did not say whether or not your family is giving you pushback because they are against people receiving therapy services or if they are supportive of therapy but do not understand why therapy would make sense for you. In either case, when my clients find themselves in similar situations, I suggest that they explain to loved ones that they are hurting, in need, and looking for additional help or support. I encourage them to communicate that what they feel and know they need to do for themselves is work with a trained mental health professional who will help them work through whatever it is they are struggling with. 

Most people can understand the need for help when we are having struggles. If we are sick medically, we go to a medical doctor. If we are having difficulties mentally, we go to a mental health practitioner. For most people, this logic just makes sense. From my experience, most parents who have a healthy relationship with their children do not balk at them seeking out additional support. Most do not say, "Not my child. No, I do not want you to get help. No, you should not have additional support." Families generally have a good understanding of supporting each other. Sometimes we need support that our families just cannot offer. Parents have agreed and have committed to taking care of us from birth. They hold us, feed us, clothe us, teach us, etc. So, it would make sense that they want to preserve us and make sure that we are happy and well. Sometimes as we get older, we have to remind them that this is their goal as it has been for our entire lives. This may need to happen when we start to have thoughts, feelings, or values that differ from theirs or what we have been taught. 

You can think of supportive therapy as a toolbox. Most people would want the most enormous toolbox they could find with all of the bells and whistles packed inside. Although there may be tools inside the toolbox you never utilize (and might not know what they are for), it feels better to have the support of extra tools because if you ever need them, you have them. Supportive therapy can give us tools that we can carry with us should we ever need them. Most people can understand this explanation. So, by explaining to them that you are struggling and need additional tools, they may be more supportive. Most families, again, are not going to say, “No! You don't need tools!" Since I do not know your family and the exact things that you are struggling with, I cannot offer specific things to say or ways to help them understand your needs. However, hopefully, some of these general pieces will help you to explain to them why this is necessary for you and gain their support.

I want to also suggest, if feasible, family therapy. This can be another way for you to get the necessary support and can be a great way for families to heal old wounds. I hope this information has been helpful. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.