How does family affect your life?

Our families are with us from birth, modeling behavior that we observe, communicating norms to us, shaping our belief systems, and even initially deciding where we live, which also plays a role in our development. Our families also biologically influence us with genetic contributions that may determine how we look and our overall health. Family may be one of the largest influences on how we develop and who we become. As adults, some of what we learn in our families can carry over and influence the family we create – the families we make are also major influences in our lives.

Different theories involve learning different angles of how that process occurs, but much of our learning begins with our families. Through observation, interaction, reward, and punishment, we learn how to interact with others and about our place in the world. The way our early caregivers respond to us may shape how we form and view later relationships.

Family provides us with some of our most foundational social interactions. Social interactions are important to overall health and wellbeing. We learn coping skills from our families, what acceptable behaviors are, and our families can support us in times of stress or challenges. Whether we learn how to cope healthily can often depend on what we learn within our family systems. How well we cope as adults may be influenced by our connection with our family members from our families of origin and the families we create as adults.

Just as our families may be a source of strength and support, they may also be a source of stress or experiences that can be detrimental. Poor relationship quality in our families, marital discord or dissolution, and other stressors may come from within our families and can have damaging impacts. The way we are parented, supported, responded to, and how we see our caregivers cope with challenges all influence how we develop and exist in the world.

If you’ve noticed patterns in relationships, difficulties coping with certain challenges, or caught yourself repeating mistakes you feel your family made, talking with a licensed counselor can help you sort through and make sense of past influences. Examining the influence of your family on your present challenges can help build an empowering narrative that allows you to heal and change unhelpful patterns you may have noticed. It can also help you learn powerful coping skills, improve your own parenting skills, and change the influence and landscape for your family.