How does your family influence you?

When someone comes into counseling, the evaluation covers family background or history and while a lot of clients may report that their family life was functional and inconsequential no one can argue that family influence and upbringing can profoundly affect the individual. Family influences cannot be stressed enough as far as positively or in some cases negatively affecting those who grow up inside that family. Even beyond childhood and teenage-hood, family influence can be a huge factor in a myriad of adult issues including boundary setting, depression, anxiety, life choices, and life transitions.

Values, vocation, and beyond…

Family members can influence you from the time you are brought into this world in the way that they behave and speak around you. This can influence the way in which someone views other people in the case of racism and bigotry, and it can also influence the way we look at ourselves and our level of importance or unimportance depending how we are treated inside this family. Conversely, a family who is open-minded and practices compassion and love can influence its members greatly towards the positive.

Family has great influence at times over what occupation a person chooses and what their schooling may look like and how they value learning and study. Additionally, family can also influence whether a person moves away from home and makes their own routes in another area of the country or beyond. More traditional families might run into problems with finding appropriate partners and spiritual walks of life as some family of origin will not accept some of the choices that are made. This can be extremely stressful and frustrating for the person who is trying to grow into who they are and want to be. Family influences the way in which money is handled and treated as well as levels of generosity and selfishness. Family influences what people do with their time and if you think back to times in your life when you accomplish certain tasks it was perhaps clear what your family valued the most. Some families value sports and achievement while others value academic accomplishments. Others celebrate creative outlet and individuality while some families criticize these activities stating that unless they have a specific purpose or to make income, they are time wasted.

The healthy part of development is actually learning how to reject some of these family values and ideals if they are not in alignment with the lifestyle that you would like to live for yourself. Having said that, most people are not interested in destroying family relationships and support systems but rather being able to be themselves while still being part of the family. Sometimes this involves conflict and counseling can be an amazing place to help resolve the conflict that might ensue when someone expresses themselves, growing up, and separating themselves from family in a healthy way.