How to deal with crippling abandonment issues?

While tackling substance abuse is considered to be an individualized experience by many, it often directly affects the individuals’ families just as much.  For example, substance users’ parents, children, and spouses often endure emotional turmoil, as well as financial, legal, medical, and other life consequences.  Often, families are divided, conflict progressively becomes a normalized behavior, and familial trust begins to diminish as family members struggle to engage the substance abuser(s).  Communication amongst members often becomes frustrating and more difficult to participate in.  Family members may encounter their loved ones’ attempt to cope with drugs or their inability to regulate their emotions while under the influence of substances.  Other drastic changes like weight loss, declines in personal appearance or hygiene, extended periods of no contact, and news of the substance abusers’ change in status (homelessness or fatal overdose) may negatively impact family members and lead to unhealthy ways of coping such as codependent behaviors. 

Addiction can be considered traumatic when children grow up watching a parent or parent(s) abuse drugs and alcohol.  The effects of children witnessing their parents struggle with addiction can ultimately have long-term effects on the child.  Children of addicts who witness their parents’ behavior are at risk of developing substance use disorders during adulthood.  Unfortunately, children who have parents that are on drugs are 3 times more likely to endure trauma like neglect, physical, and sexual abuse.   Children who experience prolonged psychological distress can create developmental delays and learning disabilities, as well as lead to exacerbated mental health symptoms and/or disorders.  Because children typically mimic the behavior within their surroundings, they are more vulnerable to external stimuli.  Parents who are addicts often display aggressive or violent behavior that can result in children witnessing this behavior.  Children may also feel responsible for their parent's behavior, demonstrating feelings of guilt and self-blame because of their parent's substance use.  Children also may grow up and develop dysfunctional attachments in their adult relationships.

Coping skills can help to buffer or manage difficult emotions in a healthy way.  Self-reflection is critical when you are examining the ways that you have been coping thus far.  It is important to consider if your current coping skills are healthy; or are they unhealthy?  Examples of healthy coping skills include activities and behaviors that will lead to positive outcomes and more adaptive behavior such as physical exercise, cooking, or reading.  Examples of maladaptive or unhealthy coping skills could be things like gambling, substance abuse, or porn.  If you are uncomfortable navigating whether your methods of coping are sufficient, it may be time to talk with a mental health professional to help you.