I really it’s pointless to ask because I know i need with it. How to get over multiple heartbreakers

Jai:

How do you get over multiple heartbreaks?  That is a good question.  You did not give a lot of information about yourself, but you did let me know that you are separated from your wife for a year now and that she is keeping your daughter from seeing you, and you do not have some of the close relationships that you have had in the past.

You have certainly had to face traumatic experiences close together.  I find that when a person experiences a major loss such as divorce or loss of a parent there will be significant grief reactions.  It is important to allow yourself to recognize that you need to be gentle with yourself as you walk through these griefs.  It is also important that you work to solve the issue with your wife regarding your daughter.  Your daughter needs her father in her life, and she needs you to make every effort possible with even if she becomes your ex-wife to stay involved in your daughter’s life.  Sometimes it takes a lot of time and effort, but it is vital that you don’t give up.

It is not pointless to ask for help and support while you work through these major life stressors and changes.  I highly encourage you to reach out for counseling so that you can receive help in walking through the grief that is complicated by the struggles with your marital separation and absence of your daughter in your life.  It is easy to feel defeated especially after so many losses so close together.  You lose the energy you need to respond and that is why having a counselor to walk you through it sooner rather than later is very important.

Death and divorce deplete you of the serotonin in your brain that helps you think clearly.  It sounds like you feel like there is no hope and you just need to accept the loss of your mother, your marriage and your daughter.  Your daughter will always be your daughter and she will always need you.  It is true that you may have to accept that you have lost your marriage and your mother is no longer with you here on earth.

Regarding your marriage, it is important to learn the lessons from a failed marriage to help you not repeat the same mistakes if your wife is not willing to work on your marriage.  You can’t make your marriage work on your own, but you can learn from and become a better person after a failed marriage if that is the direction your life takes you. People need to take time to heal from your divorce.  Grieving from death and divorce follow similar patterns, yet they are quite different losses and will be accepted in different ways.  For example, you need to accept that you will not have a committed partner relationship with your wife but that you will need to maintain communication with her over what is best for your daughter.  She will continue to be in your life in a different way than before.  For your daughter’s sake, you need to do everything you can to make communication with your ex-wife as painless as possible.  However, if she is purposely trying to keep you from your daughter, you may need to work through a lawyer or family services to get to the place where you are able to give your daughter the parenting that she needs.

You can find a new life and a resolution to these losses.  It will take challenging work and effort, but it is important to your mental health and to the mental health of your daughter.  Don’t give up.  Keep doing what you can do to make your marriage work, or to see its end without allowing an end to your relationship with your daughter.