What are some good ways to support those loved ones around you that have depression and/or anxiety?

Hello Kyle,

Thank you for being here and providing this question related to supporting loved ones who are actively dealing with depression and anxiety. I am certain in your opening up the floor with this question, it will give license for others to explore the same topic and get the help they need as well. I will do my best to add helpful tips for your actions/coping/ behavior with your son and spouse, they are below:

1. Add family meetings to your regime (1x / week) - touching base about important events, upcoming stressors for your son and wife can be a really good way for you to have a sense of how they are structuring their days and what they are interfacing with weekly. If you have this information you can ask the questions "how can I support you during this time? what are the coping skills you are applying to ensure your success? do you want to talk about them?"

2. Be intentional about displaying emotional vulnerability with your wife. Many times in relationships it takes one person modeling emotional vulnerability to give the other person room to do the same. Modeling emotional vulnerability without the unhealthy expectation that this is something your wife must manage for you is really pivotal. Creating the notion that your feelings are yours and hers are her own, each your own responsibility to manage, is important. She may feel resistance to sharing her thoughts with you because she feels that if she does, it might burden you in the same way her complex emotions (depression / anxiety) may feel like a burden to her. 

3. Encourage both your wife and your son to maintain good contact with their therapists, psychologists, and / or psychiatrists. It is important that treatment engagement remains consistent when depression and anxiety symptoms are at their peak, especially if you know each or either of them is more vulnerable during the winter, during finals in school, in the context of work-related stressors, and / or the holidays, etc. Also encourage habitual / consistent use of their medication if they are undergoing the intervention of psychotropic medications from their providers.

4. Seek help for yourself with a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. It can be hard to cope and show up supportively for just one family member. You are dealing with x2 of your family members struggling. It is not easy. You need to take care of yourself and use self-compassion and self-care to ensure you are in peak condition to be a supportive presence.

I hope this all is really helpful to you. Please return to the BetterHelp platform should you have further questions. We love to help and we are wishing you well and success in showing up as your best for your deserving family.