What are some tips to deal with the effects of sibling abuse as an adult?

Sibling relationships are some of the first and most foundational relationships that we have.   They often influence and determine how we see and relate to others and ourselves.   Unfortunately, abuse from a sibling is minimized or excused away by others and often ourselves as nothing more than sibling rivalry or sibling conflict.  Truth is abuse is abuse, whether it’s sibling sexual abuse, physical abuse, or psychological abuse, and sibling violence appears to have a critical impact on child and adolescent mental health. Physical aggression and other types of sibling abuse can continue to affect you well into adulthood. For example, people who experience this type of abuse may be more likely to report intimate partner violence or domestic violence in later years. Where help from family members within the home isn’t possible for these types of sibling aggression or child sexual abuse at the hands of a sibling, there are options for seeking recourse outside of the home with local authorities.

I gather from your question, which is limited in its information and therefore requires that I make a number of assumptions, that the physical violence and other abuse you experienced from him was in the past?  Knowing that it was abuse doesn’t excuse you from the responsibility of managing and dealing with the aftermath.  That is the horrible injustice of being a victim.  You have to deal with and address the trauma.  It falls to you to not remain “messed up.”  Not thinking about it is certainly an option, and it will certainly not result in straightening out the mess left from the abuse.  Here are some things that you can do now that you have put 2 and 2 together. 

1.  Determine the abuse – you may want to seek out professional help to evaluate the situation and determine and articulate exactly what the abuse was.   There are several different types of abuse or family violence where a sibling makes you feel powerless, neglected, devalued and can be physical, emotional or sexual. 

2. Decide how to address it – again, with the help of a professional decide how to address it. Not addressing it may be an option but there are other, more healthy options.  You can seek to address underlying issues as to why this sibling may be an aggressor.  You can walk away and let others know why you are. You can even confront your sibling and let them know how they abused you and how it hurt you.  

3. Research it up – there are a number of resources and experts in this area that can assist you with how to address it.   You can find insight from websites such as Psychology Today.   I think that Narcissist Family Files is a website with articles and additional guidance that I would recommend.  

I know that too many questions, the advice to seek therapy would seem inadequate and obvious for sibling abuse trauma.  That is, however, the best advice that can be offered without having additional details about your experience and the subsequent mess that you have now been left with.