What should I do if I’m worrying about being trans?
It's hard to go through what you are going through. I have experience talking with other clients in a similar circumstances, and I am greatly empathizing with your struggles.
Many young people who feel that they cannot identify with their biological gender are at some point presented with a difficult dilemma: "Should I be who I truly am or should I hide how I feel to please the family?" The answer is rarely clear right away and many people go back and forth regarding making a decision that they could live with. It seems like no matter what the decision will be, it will not be a perfect one and you will experience some grief and loss when you choose one way or another. If you choose to follow your feelings, you will most likely be in conflict with your family. If you choose to be who they want you to be, you will most likely disappoint yourself. I can help you sort out these feelings.
You are in a difficult place because of your family’s reaction. I don't know much about your family and I hope you'll tell me more so I can understand better who they are and how they think. Since you were kicked out before, I am assuming you are back to living with your family, right? Besides your identity struggle, what are you up to nowadays? Do you go to school, maybe have a job? Do you have friends? Sometimes if you cannot find support and understanding from the family, it really helps finding people outside of your family circle who can help you grow. Giving up is definitely not an option! I am glad you are making steps in reaching out for help. If you feel so frustrated and depressed that life seems unbearable, you need to know that this is an emergency and it has to be addressed in an urgent facility such as an emergency room.
Life presents us with different challenges. I would like to get to know you better and see what I can do to help and support you. Wishing you the best.