Which friendship describes you?

Asked by Anonymous
Answered
05/05/2021

This is a useful question because so many times, friendships are confused based on their level. Let’s look at the various levels of friendships. Levels of friendships are simply the depth in which the two people connect versus kinds of friendships which could be another article! The first level of friendship would be two strangers meeting. Connections have to begin somewhere, and this is a great place. Sometimes people make that immediate connection that this person can either become an eventual close friend or not a friend at all. The next level of friendship is the ever so confusing acquaintance. While this friend has a place in life, it can also cause issues when deciding between who to invite to a wedding or an event or what to share with this person. Boundaries are definitely useful with this kind of friend until a stronger bond has been formed. The next level is a casual friend. This friend might be considered a ‘sometimes’ friend having something in common with them like a book club or hiking and not necessarily a person everything is shared with. Then the next level is close friends, where many people fall once people meet strong connections in high school, college, sometimes the workplace, and early adulthood. Close friends offer up a strong connection and typically have a lot in common. They tend to be trusted with pretty intimate information though not necessarily considered a best friend. This could be because the person already has a best friend, or several people are trusted. And lastly, the best friend is a person who has the most intimate knowledge and is a consistent provider of compassion, care, listening, and friendship.

In thinking about which friendship describes you, it is useful to think about your kind of friend to the people you care for and are around and what kind of friends they might be towards you. It’s not necessarily a limiting or close-minded practice to define and describe your friendships. In fact, this might actually help and address problems in the future for unrealistic expectations. Many people are moving towards having a small circle of close friends followed by appropriate socialization with casual friends and acquaintances. The energy and focus it takes to carry on many more close friends than two or three can work to some people, so it depends on how many people you need and would like in your life and how much effort you want to use to keep those friendships close. There is no marker for how often people have to see each other to be considered the closest of friends. The beauty of friendship is we can create it the way we want it to be for ourselves as long as both people are on the same page!

(M.Ed., MA, LPC)