Why does friendship end?

One of the most extraordinary life stories heard over the years from various people is the life-long friendships of childhood still very much active into late adulthood. It must feel amazing for some to have this level of history and connection to another human being and have those commonalities of neighborhood, school life, stages of development, and maturity take place together. In recent years this story has become even more special as many families split and move, relocate, or have such a tumultuous situation that there lacks the stability to hone these friendships. More and more friendships seem to last a brief moment in time, a season, or more rarely, a lifetime. And the end of a friendship can be painful.

What changes?

The hardest to accept most helpful insights into friendships and their change is understanding that people are free agents who have different interests, needs, wants, and loyalties as they age. What sparked and ignited a friendship at its inception may not last or not stay consistent for many reasons that may have nothing to do with either person. A common theme throughout working with clients in counseling is they want to know the why. Many reasons come to mind through discussion, including moving away, new significant others, new interests, a new job or challenging school program, new habits like drinking (or the stopping thereof), mental or physical changes that dominate their focus, or illness. Additionally, friends may have their own specific, either logical or illogical reasons for ending or changing the friendship status.

It is all in the mindset…

How can endings be ok? It is all in a mindset. Learning not to personalize the natural endings of friendships that happen with the above reasons can certainly help. Additionally, thinking about what each friendship has given as building blocks for maturity, connection, and insight towards new relationships can reignite interest in learning and spending time and energy with new people interested in a friendship. Releasing power and control allows a greater amount of ebb and flow as people affect our lives, especially the friendships offered through it.