How can I cope?

I'm so sorry for your loss and for your grief. 

That is a monumental loss in one day. 

Family can be the bedrock of our world. 

You are a survivor and it sounds like your brother is equally also a survivor.

I hope that you are surrounding yourself with close friends and family to help you in this time of grief. 

When times like this happen, there can be a heightened sense of uncertainty about one's own life purpose. But assuredly there is a new life waiting for you. Living your best life and honoring those that went before you is probably a great gift to those we have lost. They would want for you to be happy and to find joy in life again. 

I don't know how you feel, but I am here to help in any way that I can. 

Please note that there's no right or wrong way to grieve. And grief does not always unfold in orderly predictable ways. We all deal with the loss of those we love in vastly different ways. It is not uncommon to have feelings of guilt or anger or fear or despair. 

There is also no set timetable for grieving. For many people, the loss can be felt very strongly for 18 -24 months. For others, the grief will last much longer. 

There are many stages in the grief process: shock and disbelief, felling numb, sadness, feeling empty, guilt regret shame, anger, helplessness, insecurity, and fear, physical symptoms can be fatigue, nausea, weight loss, heart palpitations or insomnia. 

Try not to grieve alone, stay connected to others in your support system, friends family or a licensed clinician. 

Try to also take good care of yourself - it can be easy to forget about your own needs when grappling with loss. Try to eat, sleep and exercise daily to help with the emotional fatigue you might be feeling. 

Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to feel all the emotions that you need to feel. 

Grief can be an exhausting process both physically and emotionally. Try to be kind to yourself in this difficult time and take this all one day at a time. It's ok to set limits and to say no to other people right now. One day you will feel joy again.

I am here if you need to process this time in more detail. I encourage you to keep reaching out for the help that you need. You are stronger than you know you are. 

Kind regards, Dr. Hanson.