How can I cope with where I am in life right now?

It's great when we feel like things in our lives are going quite well... except one big stressor. Stressors in our lives can truly take a toll in our life place and change the way we feel about our lives. Stressful situations can take a huge toll on our well-being, especially if we aren't taking very good care of ourselves. So it's definitely important that our self-care rituals are high up there in priority when dealing with something stressful. 

It can also be very difficult to come to terms with acceptance of the things that we can't control. In life, there are many situations and things that many of us don't have control over. For instance, maintaining employment may feel like something that we have control over... as we can be punctual workers, complete all tasks assigned to us, and even be praised for our work. And we would hope that employers are pleased enough to keep us there as workers. But nothing in life is guaranteed, which includes permanent employment. And that's what can cause a lot of uncertainty and stress. Not knowing what will happen in the future. It can be a very scary thing for many people to accept. 

The idea that nothing is certain in life causes many people anxiety for the fear that things will turn out horribly wrong. Oftentimes, folks turn to this idea that their life will be ruined if things don't go according to plan or as they had hoped. Now that's not to say that taking a detour from our scheduled plans won't cause stress, but it doesn't have to mean that we're doomed either. For instance, not knowing if we will stay at our current employment doesn't mean that we don't be there a long time. If anything, it just allows us to focus on the things that we do have control over, such as completing tasks on time and demonstrating interest in the company's growth. In addition, having a back-up plan can help in case things don't go according to plan. We may never need that back-up plan, but for some people knowing what they would do (in case things don't work out according to plan) can help alleviate some anxiety. 

In terms of your situation, it sounds like you have found a partner that you really care about and cherish. So much to the point that you two are speaking about getting married and staring your lives together. And that's great to hear. But it sounds like there are is a very big barrier than us allowing you two to follow through in getting married right now - as he's in the middle of a divorce. It seems like there are a lot of barriers that are unfortunately causing a lot of extensions and uncertainty about the case. The end goal is to finalize the divorce, but in terms of when it will be over is yet to be determined. And that's very tough as you would hope that this was finalized so that you two could move on with your lives and get married. But it sounds like that may not be an option for some time.

So what does this mean? You love your partner, you want to marry your partner, but it sounds like marrying him right now is not an option. Does this change anything in terms of the relationship? It may or may not. Is your relationship any less meaningful as a result of not being able to marry just yet? And if marrying each other is not an option for a while, how will this change the relationship? How does this change other life plans, such as owning property or having children? How we feel about these questions varies from person to person. And sometimes not having the things that we envisioned is a loss- a loss of the idea that we cannot have the things that we want right now. Grieving this loss can take some time and that is very normal; as it is not what we envisioned for ourselves or our lives. And having to push that back due to these barriers can cause us to experience some of the stages of grief (which can include anger, depression, denial, bargaining, and acceptance). These stages take time to process. It may be ups and downs and feeling this way in no particular order. But it is all part of the process of coming to terms with this is the situation now and we cannot change that unfortunately. 

So the question is how are you and your boyfriend celebrating and embracing your relationship? Even though you cannot get married just yet, what things will help the relationship feel special for you both (until you can marry)? It may be worthwhile having these conversations together (if you two haven't already). Also, I would encourage you both to be there for each other in moments where things that are not within either of your control. How can you two get through it together as well and validate that the situation is really frustrating? 

Stressful situations can really take a toll on us if we don't find ways to cope with these situation. It can make all the difference if you two are there for each other. This can consist of remembering to lean on each other, remind each other of how the relationship is special, and appreciate each other for hanging in there.  Although we cannot control what attorneys or exes do, focusing on each other and what you have control over can help. Making the time and space for these conversations is definitely helpful. If you feel like you need more assistance in having these discussions together, you can always seek couple's counseling. Best of luck with everything.