How do I cope with a sick family member?

Hi, thanks for reaching out.  I'm sorry for what your family is experiencing at this time, it can definitely be a very trying and stressful time.

Dealing with a loved one's mental illness is a complex thing for sure.  There are many different emotions and feelings and stressors all rolled into one big puzzle most of the time.  And unfortunately it can cause conflict and frustration among other family members, raising tensions in an already tense time.  First off, it is important to keep communication open and support each other.  Keep things fluid and make sure the rest of the family knows how each other is feeling and coping, and keep it judgment free.  Everyone deals with these things differently and it is important to be mindful of that.  In terms of you father, your biggest role, aside from making sure he is safe and cared for by medically appropriate parties for his condition, is to be his support and advocate. Depending on how receptive he is to help, this can be up close or from a distance.  Some people with mental illness may brush off any attempts for family to help, but you can still advocate for him from a distance, trying to get him the help he needs and can benefit from.  And even though it seems impossible at times, try to be patient.  Mental illness has so many complexities, and he himself doesn't understand what or why this has happened to him.  Give him grace, along with yourself as you navigate through this.

The grief process doesn't always have to be just involving the act of dying.  You are experiencing grief with this experience as well, and you will have to allow yourself to work through those steps as well.  Anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance:  you may feel them hourly, daily, weekly, all depending on the moment and mood.  They are fluid and not linear; you can experience them in different orders and in different situations, and that is normal and okay.  Allow yourself time to grieve this situation and recognize that what you are going through with your dad is your mind and heart moving through this process.

As you work through this, it may be beneficial to talk to a counselor either with yourself or with your family to help navigate some of these feelings and to develop some coping skills to help with what comes next in this process. Best wishes to you and your family, and feel free to reach out if you need any support in the future.