How do I find myself and move forward when I have no motivation for the future?

Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out and for becoming so vulnerable as to share such intimate details from your grief journey with myself.  I am truly sorry to learn of your loss as well as the devastating heartbreak that continues to follow.  While many elements of bereavement can prove as being similar, the journey remains very personal, unique, and individualized. 

Ultimately, a loss through miscarriage introduces the loss of hopes, dreams, anticipation, excitement, potential, opportunities, and roles.  The ripple effect that inevitably occurs can be profoundly overwhelming and paralyzing.  In addition to the shock associated with the loss, the trauma in which your system is processing is both foreign and new.  Any encounter with grief transforms us into someone new.  Certainly, the loss can impact ones own identity and the regular day to day participation in life functions.  Complication can abound and distance may be desired. 

During this time of complete rawness, numbness, and pain, returning to the "simple" can prove as being both life-giving and sustaining.  Eliminating expectations for oneself and others will reduce frustration.  Accordingly, by becoming attuned to the needs of your body, you will be able to eventually ground oneself back into reality.  When considering where that heaviness lives within your body and drawing one's attention to that space, you bring forth potential to release the tight heaviness that may exist. With so much joyful excitement being robbed from you through the loss, it certainly makes sense as to why the future is not at the forefront of your mind.  Giving oneself permission to be in the present moment and perceiving time as a day to day participation, is your system's way of preventing further devastation from transpiring.  The nervous system is, in many ways, engaging within a protective response in conjunction with the loss.  

Mourning, (the outward expression of the emotions associated with grief), is also extremely cathartic to engage within regularly.  Often, what cannot be said, will be wept.  There may be moments on this journey where you feel completely abandoned and alone.  While intimidating, that feeling of abandonment and isolation serves as an invitation to enter inward with oneself and to sit with the full intensity.  Becoming mindful of your daily needs and checking in with oneself, will be a regular task that yields great reward with time.  Remain patient with yourself on this journey and introduce as much self-compassion, love, and empathy, as possible.  While you will never be able to undue the loss, you will be able to accommodate the loss within your life story, as one of the most difficult chapters endured.  How you continue to find meaning will make a difference within your healing.