How do I help my husband who is doing all the things and is grieving?

Good Evening,

I do understand the heartbreaking pain of a cancer diagnosis.  However, there is still time to be able to live life just like anyone else.  Your husband is looking at his perception of the end before it even happens. 

His expectations are very valid.  However, when you look at the live wife that he has still, I would remind him that you are here with him.  Take for example the moment you were wed.  No one knew what was the future then and we don't know what it is now.  All you both knew was that you were together and that you loved one another. 

Going through the stages of grief are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.  Now these stages do not have an expiration date on them, nor do they have an order. 

Your presence with your husband is vital to him in every way.  He does not want to lose you.  However, if he perceives that he has lost you preemptively, then he will continue to move towards further hurt and pain. 

I am not sure about what your level of functioning is at this time, but I would definitely ask you to be the person that you have been before your diagnosis.  Make your husband know who you are and always will be in his heart.  Additionally, if you both are people of faith, you should already know that God will not bring this to you without a "Ram in the Bush".   There are definitely lessons to be learned when we are dealing with illnesses and the like.  Take into consideration one another in an intimate way.  Love on one another.  Ensure that you both have an understanding of how you both feel about one another both coming and going.  Meet each other half way. 

When your husband breaks down let him know that you understand that he is releasing the pressure of stress through his tears.  It is ok to be angry, or shed tears.  These are two of the ways that the body readily gets rid of stress.  Therefore, when you see his tears, you can comfort him in the way that he is truly trying to comfort you but does not feel like he can enough.  I hope you both can hear that love overcomes all of the pain that you both are experiencing.  Just give it a try.