Ask a therapist > Grief > How do I move past the sadness and anger from the loss unexpectedly of my son who passed at 38 yrs?

How do I move past the sadness and anger from the loss unexpectedly of my son who passed at 38 yrs?

My son passed away 8 mos ago due to a misdiagnosis at a local hospital. They claimed he had a nose bleed and told him to not blow his nose for 2 days! I told the doc you are wrong - it is his heart (he was involved in a near fatal accident in 2006) and he refused to consider further. Upon return later that same evening they were unable to save his life. The same doc who called it a 'nose bleed' had to tell me the hospital 'made a mistake and misdiagnosed him' ... by the time we came back for assistance, they could not stop the internal bleeding, etc. and so he transitioned.
Had they kept him overnight for observation maybe this would have ended on a positive note.
This experience the way I am explaining is vanilla in comparison to the blood bath I witnessed. It happened so fast. Had I had better clarity I would have taken him to a powerful trauma hospital. Super traumatic layered with an unexpected loss and beyond devastating.
I am grateful I enjoyed an additional 16 years with my son after his horrible 2006 accident. Also that he lived with me his last 8 mos. Still, I miss him tons and this has been very difficult. Here almost 9 mos later it's really sinking in...
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Asked by Elizabeth
Grief
Family
Answered
07/26/2022

I'm so terribly sorry to hear about your devastating loss. I can't imagine how you are feeling.  The loss of a child is so heartbreaking, as we expect them to outlive our parents.

It is normal for you to feel this pain and loss. I wish I had better news, but he was your child and nothing is ever going to replace that loss. The pain will be with you for the rest of your life. Finding a therapist or a safe person to talk to can help you through the grieving process, but the loss will always be felt. 

Sometimes, finding a local support group to help in your grieving can be very beneficial. To hear others people's stories about their loss can be comforting; to know they are grieving and going through what you are experiencing, can ease the pain too. They can also provide a wonderful support outside of the group and can help you build friendships that can help ease the loss and fill the void. 

They say there are seven stages of grief and over time, the intensity of the loss will lessen, but to be honest with you, the loss of the child is devastating. In hearing your story, there seems to be significant trauma related to his death. You may be experiencing some Post-traumatic Stress Disorder from witnessing your son's death and feeling helpless or feeling you could have done more. If these memories continually replay in your mind (over and over again), you can't sleep or eat, have the same vision/memories/dreams, it may be good to seek a psychiatrist to help you overcome the trauma and get on medications to help ease the symptoms. 

Overall, it will be good for you to get a professional therapist or a support group to be with you on this journey of healing so you don't feel alone. If finances are tight, church clergy are free and can offer wonderful support and a listening ear without breaking the bank. It will be important for you to share your pain and release these feelings so they don't build up. 

(LMFT)