How do I move through the grieving process of losing my brother ?

Hi, thanks for reaching out. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss and what you have been going through. 

Grief is one of the most difficult things to work through for a variety of reasons, but one is that everyone grieves differently and experiences loss differently.  There is no set answer or timeline of how someone grieves or copes with loss. It is also difficult when there is something "thrown in the mix" like having someone pass from an overdose where there was a strained relationship as a result of the addiction. It was nothing you could control, likely nothing you could have done to prevent it, yet it's still easy to feel responsible and blame yourself for not doing more.  Remind yourself that addiction is one of the most complex things to help someone with; a lot of the time, you can try your absolute hardest to be there and provide support or resources and that person just doesn't respond, or does for a while and then relapses.  That is just the nature of addiction, and sometimes all you can do is your best and it's still not enough.

As you work through your feelings, be familiar with the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  It is very possible to experience all of these in a variety of ways; they can all happen in the same day, over the same week, month, etc.  It is important to remember these aren't linear; they can overlap and recur and do not to finish one before you move to the next.  And they can also move back out of that acceptance stage one you do get there, which is very common on anniversaries, special times, or when certain memories or events trigger emotions.

I think it would be really beneficial for you to reach out to someone, either a therapist in person or on a platform such as this, to help you sort out some of your feelings and work through some of the guilt you are experiencing.  It is never too long after a loss to reach out for help.

Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have further questions; all the best to you!