How to deal with a loss of loved ones?

Hello Diesel,

First of all let me say that I am so very sorry for your losses. One loss can be incomprehensible at times, and to have three losses in that quick succession makes it extremely complex and painful. When you are dealing with the loss of loved ones it might be helpful to realize that you will likely experience several stages of grief. Not everyone experiences all of them or all of them in the same order, but it can be helpful to know because it is likely that you are experiencing and that even though it feels confusing that it is also normal. 

• The first stage that you might experience with the loss of a loved one is Denial. This first stage can be anywhere from a few seconds to days or weeks. You might avoid talking about or addressing that someone you love is gone. You might experience more confusion, shock, and even intense and overwhelming fear. 
• The second stage is Anger. Anger is typically referred to as a secondary emotion because there is usually something underneath it that causes us to feel hurt. For example, facing the loss of three people who are close to you might potentially make you feel anger. "How could this happen?" "What did I do to deserve this?" "Why are did this happen tome." These are all common feelings that are associated with loosing a loved one. 
• The next stage is Bargaining. In bargaining we try to find meaning behind the loss and how it contributes to out lives or lessons that we might learn. This is usually a time when we spend time reaching out to others and looking for solace and comfort in our grief. 
• The fourth stage that people experience is depression. It is the stage that most people associate with having experienced a major grief or loss. It is easy to feel overwhelmed easily by things that would have brought joy before. Dealing with the reality that someone that you care about is no longer there.  You might find that your temper is shorter and that you don't respond as well to difficult situations as you one did in the past. You might even find that it feels like the only way to cope is to find some form of escapism. 
• The final stage is that of acceptance. This is the most difficult stage to reach, and I believe as your question relates mostly to getting here. As you can see it really takes maneuvering through these steps. For some people spirituality can play a big role in finding understanding as to why these things occur and how to move through this. You mention that you didn't get to say goodbye. I know that I don't know the circumstances around all of these deaths and what you have access to, but I wonder if you might try something like writing a letter to each of them and then reading it aloud. Some people do this exercise and they read the letter at the gravesite, others use a photograph. I have even heard of people writing the letter and burning it and then releasing the ashes of the letter as a way to say goodbye. 

I think a very important thing to realize is that this takes time to move through. There is no clock that you are racing against. You may feel like you are accepting things and moving forward, and then completely break down. 

Self care is also extremely important! Find things that bring you peace and bring you comfort. Try not to overuse things like drugs and alcohol etc., as these tend to come with their own costs. If being in nature is helpful try that, if music is helpful try that. It doesn't really matter what as long as it brings you some relief from the pain. 

Surrounding yourself with family and friends and people who love you can be helpful as well. If you are in a community that offers support groups for people who have lost someone think of joining because sometimes the best comfort is being able to share how you feel, and to be able to listen and share with others. 

Finally, I think it can be extremely helpful to get professional help. When you have been faced with something like this it can be nice to have a professional to talk to on a weekly basis. For some it might even be helpful to see your physician about starting an anti-depressant even on a temporary basis for some relief of your symptoms. Whatever you do though, you need to be very diligent about taking care of yourself. 

I hope this helps. Again, I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. No one should have to experience such pain. 

Kind Regards, 

Rainey