How to deal with grief and anger
Asked by Nunu
Answered
11/04/2022
Hello,
I am very sorry to hear about the immense loss of the dad who you never knew and brother who you did have had the opportunity to know and have fond memories. The hardest part is you didn't have an experience with your father -- whether positive or negative -- to be able to mourn. That has to make you feel confused and empty. Your loss is major because you have two very important family members that are gone from your life.
It is normal to feel the five stages of grief which include shock denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance, which in your case has been more enormous with your suffering that sets in. Sadness and sorrow are part of your unknown of not having you dad present in your life. This is because you do not have anything to grasp onto as you never had the ability to have that special bond that only fathers can fill. Some dad's give that affection, believe in you and provide guidance that is so needed in a young person's life. However there are dad's who may be present in your life but unable to give that special love that is needed as you grow. Although you know you were abandoned, it is still a special kind of grief you have no knowledge of how it would have been.
It is not your fault that your dad left and hopefully you do not feel blame or responsibility, you were a loving child. You may not feel that you have that strong sense of love, connection and belongingness without having a dad. Yet you do have the strength of being able to share you painful story and you can change your story because you are worthy.
Therapy can help you find your way while you work on these major losses including your brother's loss which are very important to work through and find healthier ways to cope and find meaning. I want you to believe in yourself and know you can own your own memories that will help you through this difficult time. You need to show self compassion and treat yourself positively as you treat your friend, it is very crucial while you go through this suffering and grieving process.
