How to self love, have confidence, control my emotions and overthinking when I am depressed

Hi Ank,

Thank you for taking the time to ask this question. I am sure that there are other people who are in similar positions to you and struggle to control their emotions when something reminds them of previous things that have happened.

From what you say, it sounds like your question has two different parts so I will seperate them out and hope that they address the question you've asked here.

Firstly, you speak about getting flashbacks of your uncles death and what happened with him related to this. It sounds like when these flashbacks come up for you it can feel like your emotions are incredibly overwhelming with you beginning to cry and struggling to control yourself. When we go through something that is really difficult, or even traumatic, it can be a really normal response to have flashbacks to these events. For some people they are taken back to the place in their mind with an image coming to mind of the events, for others it might be that a smell can set off the memory or even certain foods. When this happens it can be really helpful to try and engage our senses in what is going on around us. I usually ask people to do the following:

• Note 5 things you can see in the room around you
• 4 things you can touch (and notice what they feel like)
• 3 things you can hear around you
• 2 things you can smell
• 1 thing you can taste

This can help remind the body and mind that they are here in the present rather than back at the memory when it happened. I would really encourage you to try this not only when you're noticing the flashbacks but generally within your day too - it can help with grounding yourself with what is going on right now. 

The second part of your question which seems to be around having low self confidence, not feeling self love and noticing the days passing by makes me think that it might be helpful to have some one to one therapy with someone to begin to build upon this. It can be really normal for our self confidence to decrease when we have gone through a lot, and our minds and bodies are recovering, however it is also really acheiveable to build this back too. Thinking about what used to give you confidence and thinking about if there is a way to get this back into your life, even if it is only a small amount to begin with, can also be a really great way to begin this.

The reason I also say about working with a therapist is it sounds like you may be dissociating a little when these difficult memories are coming back for you; and as you say yourself it can be really challenging to bring yourself back. With a therapist they will be able to work with you to think about different ways to bring yourself back to the present, and to notice this too and work alongside you. 

I do hope that is helpful.

Best wishes,

Nikki