Ask a therapist > Grief > I've gone through some big life changes this past year and am wondering the best way to handle it

I've gone through some big life changes this past year and am wondering the best way to handle it

Hi, since last November, my life has gone through many changes. My older brother passed away, I had to move because the my apartment building was sold and being turned into condos, and I started a new job. The new job is a large challenge as my boss is very impatient and abrupt. I don't have health insurance yet through this new job. I've always prided myself on being a tough person, but I'm finding the stress has made it hard for me to see many positives in my life. I don't get the same enjoyment out of things that I used to. I don't really feel "depressed" as such, as I live my life as I always have, geting up for work each day, talking with family/friends, etc. I just need to know the best way to get through this extremely challenging year and start looking forward to the days to come, and see more positives in my life. Thank you.
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Asked by BZ
Grief
Stress
Answered
10/23/2022

Hello BZ,

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother. Losing a sibling is a unique loss in a person's life - as sibling relationships are often one of the longest relationships we have.

You have been experiencing many significant changes in your life in just a short period of time. The loss of a loved one, job changes, and relocating to a different living environment will create a great deal of upheaval. I applaud you for making every effort to connect with friends and family, as you need support from those you love and trust.

Despite your efforts -- you are continuing to experience the effects of these huge events and changes in your life. You mention that you are a "tough person" and I don't doubt that. But just because you are struggling, does NOT mean you are not tough. It means you are going through significant change and our bodies and minds ARE going to react to that - there are no two ways about that. I believe if you were able let yourself up off the mat - and acknowledge that indeed you have been challenged these past several months, you might be able to be more kind and patient with yourself.

The anniversary of your brother's passing is upon you - know that grief goes  beyond anniversary dates. You will experience the loss of your brother for many months to come; and that is expected and ok.

How you look at your responses to these big changes is important. It is vital for you to allow yourself some time to adapt to these changes. I'm wondering what you have tried with regards to self-care. Especially in times like these -- but also as day to day preventive measures. Deep breathing and relaxation exercises often are very helpful with regard to dealing with anxiety - particularly if you've got a manager at work who is difficult to be around. In addition, it is very important to participate in some physical activity 3-4 times per week - exercise is a natural anti-depressant, and can also help with sleep and anxiety. Finally, you mention wanting to "see more positives" in your life. I want to you to go online and look for Gratitude Journals -- this will help you to look at the positives you DO have in your life - and encourage you to consider those aspects in your life on a daily basis. To be grateful for what you DO have vs the struggles you are going through. 

I hope this is helpful to you. I hope you find a way to be kind to yourself, to give yourself space to grieve and adapt to these life events.

Regards, 

Gretchen