What does grief feel like?

Grief can look and feel differently for each person. There is no right or wrong way to experience grief. Grief is a completely normal response to loss. Death, the loss of a relationship, or the loss of a beloved pet can result in grief. Job loss, moving to a new and unfamiliar city, and changing schools can also result in grief. There are a variety of emotions that come with the experience of grief. These can include:

• Sadness
• Emptiness
• Anger
• Confusion
• Loneliness

You may experience these emotions or others.

Grief is an experience that is helpful to healing after a loss. Self-care, support, and time are helpful to the healing process with grief. Many people discuss the stages of grief, and these can be helpful to know and understand as you are grieving, although these stages aren’t the end-all-be-all of understanding grief.

It’s important to note that these stages aren’t linear; they may occur in any order, and their duration may vary. You may also move through each stage a few times. Your experience will be unique. The stages are:

• You may find yourself thinking, “This can’t be real/This isn’t happening,” many times during the grieving process.
• When you begin to consider all the ways your loss may impact your life, you may feel angry about those changes, about the unfairness of your experience, and more. Your anger may be directed at other people, yourself, or even your loved one who died.
• You may be thinking about what may have happened to prevent the incident you’re grieving. This may involve a lot of “what if” thinking. “If only my dad hadn’t taken this new job in this city, I’d still be with my friends….”
• Sleeping issues, crying, decreased appetite, and more may happen as you experience sadness.
• When you begin to accept that the situation can’t be changed and you start to move through life, adjusting to the new normal that your loss presented, you are experiencing acceptance.

While some people identify with these stages of grief, others don’t. There isn’t a right or wrong way to experience grief associated with loss and change. Reminders of the loss you experienced may trigger waves of grief that feel brand new or as if the loss is occurring all over again.

While grief is a normal process and part of healing, seeking support from a therapist while you’re navigating a loss or change can be very helpful.