What does grief look like?

Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Grief can be all consuming or something that you are able to handle in moments.  It is a personal journey that no one can tell you how to do it.  Knowing this there are some stages that psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has researched.  One of her models talks about 5 stages of grief and the newest one called the Kubler-Ross Change Curve extends it to 7.  Even with the research and the development of stages, it still is an individualized journey to the healing of grief. 

Types of Grief

There are different events in our lives that bring grief.  The most common is losing a loved one or an acquaintance.  Other types of losses are losing a relationship with someone.  This can come from a divorce, the end of a friendship, moving.  There are also ambiguous types of losses that cause grief like adoption.  Being fired from a job or moving to another city, town or country can elicit the grief response. Remember because grief is so personal what may not seem like a loss to you may still be a loss to the person experiencing it.  An example of this is when someone you know is going through a divorce. You may think that the person is better off because maybe the spouse was abusive or an addict, but to the person going through the loss it is still a change and something that needs to be grieved.

What does grief look like?

Again, there is not a black and white way to grieve.  There is no manual in any of the situations mentioned above to follow.  The stages that Kubler-Ross developed are denial, anger, bargaining, sadness/depression, and acceptance.  These stages are not linear and not ones that you go through in those order or even all stages. You can move from denial to sadness and then back to anger, etc.  Grief can look like someone who is depressed.  They may not get out of bed, take proper care of themselves, cry, etc.  It can also look like someone who puts on a happy face and is social with others and acts like everything is okay.  It is very important for the grieving person to have time to grieve.  Sadness is a very important stage and one that is needed to healthy process the grief. The most important thing is to allow the person to grieve how they need to.  Be a listening ear and validate the situation for them.